Ramblings of a Mother and Wife

I Am Blessed

2012-01-30T22:54:00.005-05:00

I wrote this tonight as a quick reminder to myself for those times when I find myself overly stressed or down or frustrated at seeing the lives of others seeming so simple and carefree...those times when I think, "if only I stayed at home..."

************

I am blessed. Plain and simple.

It's too easy to lose sight of that sometimes. So what if my house is a disaster (12x whatever you're imagining) and home-cooked meals are not as frequent as I would like? I have 3 beautiful, healthy kids. I have a wonderful husband. I have a warm house. I get to influence 100+ kids every day. I get to spend time teaching kids the love of theater each day after school. I have the opportunity to further my education.

My life is full. What other way is there to live? I would much rather know that I'm spending each day making the lives of others better and not just my own. No, Jessica, the world does not revolve around you and your family. It is okay to live in a house that is nowhere near perfect...that is not open to the public at any time. It is okay not to have multi-dish meals. It is okay.

I am blessed. Plain and simple.

Technology in the Classroom

2011-12-07T21:58:00.003-05:00

So I have a million things I want to blog about each day, and I simply don't have the time. One of these days (perhaps after grad school!) I'll have more time to sit and write. It's a shame because I know I'm missing out on recording precious moments that I'll soon forget. Oh, well...I guess if I've forgotten I won't know the sweetness I'm missing in memories, right?

Today I'm quickly blogging about an opportunity you have to invest in children. I teach middle school English and literature. Fun, right? Not according to about 99% of kids. :-) Seriously. If you think back to your middle school, what subject did you enjoy most? Science? P.E.? Most do not say English. I understand. I don't have fond memories of my English classes in middle school, either.

I want that to change! One way I can do that is by incorporating technology into my teaching and into the activities I create for my students. How better to engage them in the learning process than to meet them where they'd rather be...playing around with all the great new things of today. My boring old classroom with an overhead projector is just not cutting it!

I have set up a project at DonorsChoose.org in hopes to get a few things to beef up the technology in our classroom. I'm specifically looking to get a netbook (with Microsoft Office), digital camera/video recorder, and a color printer. The possibilities with these tools are endless!!

Here's the neat part. Anyone can donate to my project! $1-???? The choice is yours. Every little bit helps.

What's even better is that now through midnight on Monday, December 12 (5 more days!) all donations will be MATCHED!!!! You simply have to use the match code SPARK when checking out.

How exciting!!

Will you consider investing in the education of my students (both now and those in the future) by donating to my project? Will you help lead the way with getting technology into the classroom? Will you be a part of bringing opportunities to students that will engage them in the learning process...that will meet the needs of those students who thrive when they can get hands-on in a variety of ways?

Will you help me provide opportunities for those students who otherwise wouldn't have the chance to learn & use such "basic" technologies until they're much older while, in turn, keeping them from falling more and more behind their peers?

www.donorschoose.org/mrs.johnson.wwms

Don't forget to use the match code "SPARK" when checking out!

Also...if you want your entire donation to go towards the project, make sure you exclude the optional 15% donation to DonorsChoose that, despite being optional, is automatically applied. Each project already has 15% of the total product cost tacked on to the end so DonorsChoose is still making $ off my project. I'm not opposed to this because they are providing a wonderful service for teachers. However, I don't see the need to get 15% from the project as well as from each individual donor. Just my humble opinion. You donate as you feel led.

Thank you in advance for your consideration!

Sometimes

2011-10-11T20:38:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have a job where you can go to the bathroom when you need to...and not be given a time-limit when you do.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have a job where you can relax and enjoy your lunch - perhaps even getting out of the building to eat - instead of scarfing it down in 15 minutes after waiting in line for the microwave.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be able to sit at your desk quietly to get your work done.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to leave work when your shift is over or your business closes its doors...when your paid time is up.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be able to simply do the job your title proclaims instead of having to do a million other things in order to even get to that point.

Sometimes I wonder if the outside world thinks about these aspects of my profession.

But mostly I wonder what it's like to have a job where you can go to the bathroom when you need to.

Are You Serious?!

2011-06-19T08:58:00.001-04:00

Barrett is six weeks old,
I'm nursing exclusively,
And I'm having a period!
Not cool!!

Operation 50-30

2011-06-03T09:30:00.000-04:00

Operation 50-30 begins today.

Simply put, it's my plan to lose 50lbs by the time I'm 30.

There are 32 weeks (and 2 days) until my 30th birthday. That's roughly 1.5lbs/week. Completely doable.

I know some weeks I'll lose more and others I'll lose less, but hopefully I can average 1.5 I pounds a week.

I have approximately 30 pounds on me that I didn't have before getting pregnant with Layla. I kept about 10 pounds/pregnancy. Lovely. My thinking, then, is that those 30 pounds will be "easier" to lose than the last 20. I don't believe there will be anything easy about it, but for lack of a better word, I think the first 30 will come off a bit quicker. The fact that I have 10 weeks of summer should help, too. Should. I say this because just as I have more time to get up and move, I have just as much time to sit on my butt and veg. It's definitely going to be as much of a mental journey as it is a physical one.

Therefore, I have created the following goals to keep me on track to complete Operation 50-30:

July 1 - down 8 pounds
July 29 - down 16 pounds
Aug. 26 - down 24 pounds
Sep. 30 - down 31 pounds*
Oct. 28 - down 37 pounds
Nov. 23 - down 41 pounds
Dec. 30 - down 46 pounds**
Jan. 13 - down 50 pounds!!!!***

If I can muster up enough courage, I may post this in terms of actual weight. I'm not sure I'm that brave yet. I do have it figured out and written down for myself, though.

I've been saying for nearly a year now that I'm looking forward to my 30s for the mere fact that my body will once again be my own. By the time I'm 30 (a few months past, actually), I will have spent 5 consecutive years of my life either pregnant or nursing. 5 years!! Don't get me wrong, I have very much enjoyed experiencing and being a part of the miracle of life. I am beyond blessed that God has entrusted me with three children!! I wouldn't change the past 5 years for anything. We have many different stages in life. This has been a wonderful stage. I am just comfortable in admitting I'm also looking forward to the next stage.

So...what better way to celebrate entering a new decade and a new stage in life than being 50 pounds lighter?!?!

And so it begins...Operation 50-30!

* back to pre-pregnancies weight! I've not been here since May 2007
** last seen the summer of 2005 (with the help of Weight Watchers)
*** I don't remember the last time I was here on my own accord. This is actually probably close to my wedding weight (July 2004).

School Vouchers

2011-04-12T22:54:00.001-04:00

I saw a disheartening commercial the other day.

The topic: Education Reform in Indiana - specifically school vouchers
The sponsor: Governor Mitch Daniels
The Message: Help students "stuck in failing schools"

I will admit, they did a good job tugging at your heart strings. Who wouldn't want to help a child who has no hope for a better education? I've not seen Waiting for Superman but from what I hear it's the same...only a full-length documentary pulling on your heart strings for nearly 2 hours.

I tried finding the commercial online to attach a link here, but I was unsuccessful.

Basically, you hear how we need to help students who are "stuck in failing schools" and they mention a father who's tried for 7 years to get his daughter into a charter through the lottery system with no success.

School vouchers are the theme and said to be a way out of these "failing" schools for these unfortunate students.

Here are my big problems with this commercial and the bill that allows for school vouchers to private schools.

First there is the money issue. The bill is set up for families at the "lowest income levels" and with poorer families receiving a higher percentage towards the voucher. However, these vouchers do not cover 100% of the tuition. Everyone is going to have to pay something. Those "poorer" families will be less likely to participate in the voucher program because even paying 10% of the private school's tuition will be out of the question. Thus, the higher-end of these at the lowest end will only benefit. Sounds like we are continuing to widen the gap of opportunity for those with very little financial means.

Another issue is the fact that private schools will (as far as I know) always have the ability to dismiss students from their schools at their discretion. Usually these dismissals are based on academic performance, attendance and behavior. Actually, before dismissal is even an option, private schools have the opportunity to pick and choose who they allow to attend their schools. Those students with learning disabilities, behavior issues, achievement problems, etc. are typically disregarded fist. From what I can see, there is nothing in this new voucher bill that will eliminate the private schools from still sifting through their candidates to pick the "cream of the crop" for their schools. They're private institutions so I'm not saying it's wrong that they do this because it's their right as private entities.

I don't claim to be anywhere near an expert on any of this so someone, please, correct me if I'm wrong.

Parental involvement can be mandated at private schools. If a parent doesn't participate in "x" amount of activities or volunteer "x" number of hours in the school, the student could lose his/her admittance to the school. Say what you want, but everything I've seen in my few years as an educator leads to the knowledge that parental involvement is the biggest factor in student achievement. A parent who is involved is much more likely to have a child who succeeds compared to students who have little to no parent involvement in their school life. Obviously there are always exceptions to the rule - but these are few and far between.

The vouchers are not limited to students in "failing" schools. Why should a child in a "four-star" school be allowed to use tax-payer money to attend a private school? They aren't "stuck" in a "failing" school.

Private schools are often religious. Are we not graying the line between church and state if we allow public funds to go to religious institutions?

How does all this impact public schools?

With less funding for public schools (because of the $ that will go towards the voucher and follow the student to the private school), class sizes will continue to grow. This poses a problem in educating the youth of today as they truly need and desire more one-on-one attention...especially if they have little parental involvement at home...especially if they have fewer resources to pull from once outside of the school walls...especially if the students in the schools are dealing with emotional/behavioral issues that are beyond the control of the teacher. Sure, put me in front of 40 highly-motivated, well-resourced students and I would survive and they would do fine and continue to achieve. Put me in front of 15 unmotivated, poverty-stricken students with parents who either don't care or are too busy working to have time to help, and who have learning disabilities of all sorts and we will all struggle to get through the year. Bring that class up to 30 and I may not return the next year - especially if I have no assistance in the classroom. I'm simply being honest. Class size matters.

If you don't think class size will be an issue due to the fact that only 7,500 students state-wide will be able to participate in the voucher program this upcoming year, you are correct. The second year 15,000 students will be able to participate. The third year the cap is gone - a limitless number of students will be able to participate in the program.

With the "top" of the "bottom" leaving the public schools, standardized test scores will continue to decline. I'm not saying all of those students who come from poverty fail standardized tests just as I'm not saying that all of those who come from higher-income families pass. However, there is a strong correlation that you can't deny. Pulling potential passing scores from the public schools while also increasing class sizes will continue to lead public schools down the "failing" path. It's a nasty cycle.

So are we really helping the "problem" of our current education system?

And again I ask the question - If I were a teacher at a private school would I automatically be a better teacher? My license doesn't limit me to public teaching. I could just as easily get a job at a private school. So are these schools really much better options than these "failing" public schools solely based on their teachers?? I think not. I think it's because public schools open their arms to every student no matter the ability, income level, behavior, parental involvement, attendance, etc. I think it's because public schools are not allowed to pick and choose their students or their parents. I think it's because private schools have smaller class sizes. I think it's because private schools have the ability to structure their schools differently than public schools when it comes to behavior and discipline.

So what can we use this tax money for? Smaller class sizes. Full-day kindergarten. Technology in the classroom. Remedial math & English teachers for students who lag behind. Preschool. Social workers to visit families of students who are habitually absent or tardy.

*****

As I read over this I realize it sounds like I'm on a "woe is me" soapbox and I truly did not mean for this blog to come across like that. I enjoy teaching at a public school. I enjoy the diversity of students I see each day. Does it stress me out? Yes. Does it frustrate me to see students fail because they simply choose to do nothing? Yes. Am I saddened to see students with such poor home lives that concentrating in school is low on their priority list? Yes. Am I nervous that these items out of my control can soon become a way to prove if I'm "effective"? Yes. Will I choose to leave public teaching for an easier life in the private sector? No.

Do I think that school vouchers are truly reforming education? NO.
Do I think the commercial I saw is misleading the general public? YES.
Do I think Indiana schools are truly "failing"? NO.
Do I think something needs to be fixed with our system? Yes.

What needs to be fixed? The government. The funding of our schools. The backing/support of our teachers.

Valedictorian speech

2011-04-04T21:46:00.004-04:00

Going through all the stuff that has accumulated in our basement over the years, I have found some very interesting items. One was the speech I wrote for high school commencement. It's a cheesy, stereotypical graduation speech but I remember working hard on it. Here it is in all it's splendor:

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

It's funny how a quote said by Confucius more than 2000 years ago can have such an important message still today. We, the class of 2000, have fallen, and will fall many, many times. These failures, these setbacks, should not cause us to quit. In fact, they should bring us one step closer to success. No matter where our paths lead us, there will be road blocks we have to face and overcome They may slow us down, but they teach us much. The first time you touched a hot stove you learned never to do it again. You fell off your bike the first time trying to ride but you eventually succeeded didn't you. We were all born to succeed, but in order to succeed, we must allow ourselves to fail.

We are at a point in our lives where we have to face many decisions. Our lives are about to change completely. We all want to get the big jobs and make lots of money. If we can just get these, then we will feel we will have succeeded in life. We should set our goals high but reach them one step at a time. Right now it feels like we are moving at an incredible pace and can't slow down until we have reached the top. In order to succeed, not only in our jobs, but in life we have to stop and smell the roses.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

There were 10 valedictorians that year. Yeah, our school didn't weight grades. I'm sure no one was listening to my speech (aside from my parents). I don't remember where I was in the line of 10, but I wasn't first which means everyone was already bored :-) It's a good thing because somehow I missed the memo that all of our speeches were supposed to tie in with Dr. Seuss's "Oh The Places You'll Go." I was quite stunned when I started hearing everyone's speeches! I wasn't the only one who didn't get the memo (I don't remember who else was in my boat), but the majority apparently did. I am 100% confident that this "theme" was not discussed when we all met to decide what we were going to do. Apparently sometime between that one meeting and the actual ceremony someone came up with the idea and it just never spread. Or a group had an evil plot to make the rest of us look silly. Who knows. Regardless, I'm sure no one cared enough to notice aside from those of us actually giving the speeches.

Toddler Sayings

2011-04-03T22:15:00.001-04:00

Me: "Layla, use a tissue, not your finger."
L: "Well, I'm just getting a booger."
~February 3, 2011

"When Piper was sick she had ammonia in her heart."
~February 7, 2011

"Mom, there's a crack in my butt!" ("crack" referring to her wedgie)
~March 5, 2011

"The baby in your belly said you don't want to take a shower."
~March 5, 2011

"That's annoying, Piper!"
~March 5, 2011

"Look! I'm hiding in a trash bag." (yeah...it was one of my ankle-length skirts :-/ )
~March 5, 2011

L: "I left the door open. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
Me: "It's okay."
L: "I know it's okay."
~March 8, 2011

Me: "Eat your food, Layla."
L: "Hey, you can't tell me to eat my food!"
Me: "Oh, yes I can tell you to eat your food and I will! I'm your mother. I gave birth to you."
...
L: "What?..(thinking)...You gave birth to me?...(thinking)...Why'd you do that?"
~March 9, 2011

"My hair is tangled." (excuse for getting out of bed)
~March 13, 2011

"Mommy, your baby is hungry."
~March 31, 2011

This is when it gets interesting (aka - difficult)

2011-04-03T21:23:00.003-04:00

Layla has recently started displaying behavior that I'm not a fan of. Not that she's been a perfect angel up until now (because that is clearly not the case!), but new, "ugly" behavior is popping up.

I have heard "I don't like you" erupt from her mouth quite a bit the last few days. She sometimes says it towards me, sometimes towards my husband but mostly towards Piper. Ugh!

I tell her that it is a "bad choice" to say that. That it is not nice. Her response: "But I don't like her." It happens at times when she's getting frustrated, annoyed, irritated with Piper so, at least at this point in time, I think the phrase is an inaccurate wording of her feelings. However, it doesn't change the fact that she's setting a pattern to use that phrase more and more over the years.

She has also become more aggressive towards Piper. I use that word fairly lightly because she's not all-out beating on her and I know full well (from personal experience) that the aggression will only worsen as she (and Piper) gets bigger. She has simply become rough with Piper over the past week or so.

Pushing.
Hitting.
Kicking.
Knocking down.

You get the picture.

Mostly it's the pushing/knocking down.

Piper is usually just wanting to play with her big sister and Layla simply needs some personal space time. Neither one knows how to express her feelings when these situations arise. Layla resorts to one of the aforementioned behaviors and Piper usually follows suit.

There are so many things Piper does at this age that Layla did not and it's solely because she has a big sister's lead to follow. Some of these are positive such as pretend play. Most are negative - screaming, spitting, hitting, pushing, etc.

I knew that the younger child would quickly learn to stand up for herself, I just did not realize the scope of what that meant.

I know it's foolish of me to say that I hope their behavior towards each other ends soon. However, I will continue to hope that their behavior towards each other is not displayed towards their peers at school/daycare during the day.

Of the two, I think Piper will be the one to be rough with her friends at daycare. She's always been quick to show her frustrations physically. Again, I'm sure this is because she's always had a bigger sister getting in her space and annoying the snot out of her.

Which reminds me...I should probably start working with Piper on "being nice" and how that looks considering we're going to have a newborn in the house in a few weeks. Layla always rubbed my belly when we said she had to "be nice to the baby" and then when Piper came home she would rub Piper's belly. Too cute! Piper has no clue that a baby is even coming. There's a big difference in 3 months at this age - Layla was 20 months and Piper will be 17.

But I'm off topic...

The girls are making it quite interesting (aka - difficult) to know how to parent such situations. Do I let them work out their frustrations or step in? I'm currently doing it half & half according to my energy level at the moment the fighting erupts. :-)

Parenting never gets easier. Once you think you've got it down pat a new stage pops up and throws you right back down.

But it's a ride I would never trade!

There are no words...

2011-03-31T18:04:00.007-04:00

The girls are eating and, although I have many more blogs I've been wanting to write, I'm going to take this time to quickly share with you my most recent conversation with Layla.

I was in the kitchen preparing Layla's pb&j sandwich while she and Piper munched on goldfish. I looked into the dining room and saw Layla with her finger in her nose...

"Layla, go get a tissue from the bathroom. Don't use your finger."

"I'm not using my finger. I'm using my goldfish."

"Layla, that is gross. Do not do that."

"My snot is in my belly. I ate my goldfish."

"Eww, Layla! Don't do that. That's disgusting!"

"I know it's disgusting."

Seriously! Where do I go from there??

Oh, how entertaining life is with a 3-year-old!

Oh-oh Dream Weaver...

2011-01-24T21:15:00.002-05:00

Jeremy is Skyping for the first time so I've decided to use this time to blog. There are so many topics running around my head that it's hard to pick. Let's not even talk about the many topics I've thought about and since forgotten. I often think how nice it would be to have a keyboard connected to my brain so I could blog at a moment's notice - but that's for another blog :-)

Inception has been a point of conversation in Jeremy's Skype so how about I talk about dreams.

I never had crazy pregnancy dreams with the girls. Not the case with this pregnancy. I don't know if it has anything to do with the difference in gender or some other cause...perhaps lack of sleep in the midst of a crazy life?? Regardless, my dreams have been WEIRD!

Just a couple of nights ago I had a dream that I can still vividly recall. I tried putting it into words for Jeremy and it just was not making sense. Which makes sense when thinking about the dream. Does that make sense??

I'll try to condense it to key points/phrases:
-We (myself and people I knew but can't tell you who they are) were in a stream/river...but in a confined/controlled space. It was clear/clean like a pool, but it wasn't.
-It was a "tram" station of sorts for water - although we were just playing around in the water, not waiting for the tram
-I went under and there was a lot of grossness on the bottom that I did not want my feet to touch. Also floating around were weeds of some sort.
-When I came back up I, along with two other friends, had floated down stream to a separate tram station.
-We saw a sign that stated "No beer or hamburger." We looked over at a side wall and saw a poster commemorating a lady who I believe was Typhoid Mary.
-Obviously this meant that drinking beer and eating hamburger in the water meant you were going to get Typhoid fever. What else would it mean?! Haha.
-I frantically asked the tram manager why the one upstream would allow people to swim in the water while eating beef and drinking beer (which apparently we had been doing - side note, I hate beer). He stated it was good business for his section and therefore wouldn't/couldn't say anything about it.
-I was now in a mad dash to get back upstream to warn my friends.
-I was having a very difficult time talking...my mouth was cotton. Obviously I was coming down with Typhoid fever!
-By the time I got to the station no one was in the water. I was too late!
-Suddenly I saw Jeremy (first time I knew he was there) and others waiting in line to board the tram...clean & dry I might add.
-Apparently I wasn't worried about them anymore as my attention shifted, still unable to speak clearly.
-I saw three ladies from back home (2 daughters and their mother). One was sitting on the ground singing/talking about her large multi-colored bag. The sister was standing in line (getting refreshments of some sort??) with the bottom half of her hair dyed purple. The mom was out of my peripheral vision, but I know she was there.

---Then I wake up...with a cotton mouth and unable to swallow---

Swimming, beer & beef, trams, Typhoid fever, three ladies connected themselves but not at all connected to me in my current life (other than being Facebook friends). What in the world does it all mean?!?!

Nothing, I'm sure. Except the fact that I'm pregnant.

Oh. And during this same night, though I'm not sure it was a part of this dream or another I can't remember, I dreamed of a name for the baby. Never have I had a dream that involved a name for our kids. I hadn't even been thinking about names that day. But it was quite clear and in that state of almost awake yet still asleep, I was repeating it with the middle name we already have picked and it sounded perfect. Even when I woke up I was saying it to myself over and over. Not a bad name. One I never would have thought about in a conscience state for sure, but not bad!

I ran it by Jeremy...he laughed :-/ Only because one obscure actor has the same name. How many people are going to know that?!?! Going to associate it with this one person?!?! No one, I say.

I say respect the dream.

I added it to "the list."

We'll see if it grows on the hubby or if it falls from its good graces in my mind.

We don't share the name of the baby until the birth announcement so you'll just have to wait in suspense :-) Should we not pick the name from the dream, I'll do my best to remember to blog about our other name choices and note which is the dream name.

Until then, happy dreaming!

Oh...and don't forget your "totem"

"No"

2011-01-09T14:34:00.003-05:00

Piper has recently discovered the talent of shaking her head "no." She's still in the stage where the word (or actions associated with the word) are cute. You see, any question she's asked is always responded with the shaking of her head.

Piper, are you hunger?
*shakes her head "no" despite the fact that she's a bottomless pit and will eat anytime she's offered food.

Are you silly?
*shakes her head "no" after she's just made a silly faces & or goofy sound

Is your name Piper?
*shakes her head "no"

We have had a lot of fun with this lately. :-)

Sometimes I forget that she's now doing this and will ask her a question as I've always done and am suddenly finding myself laughing as she's seriously shaken her head "no" when I know, in fact, she would truly respond "yes" if she knew how.

I have tried teaching her when it's appropriate to "say yes" and nodding her head up and down but it hasn't caught on yet. She did do it once, but it has never been repeated accurately.

I have forgotten how fun this stage is. I'm blessed to know I'll get to enjoy it one more time before my baby days are over.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-01-01T20:51:00.004-05:00

A lot of changes haven taken place in our house over the last couple of weeks.

Layla
We have now entered the "why" stage. It started right around Christmas. She will continue to ask "why?" until we're nearly out of reasons and suddenly she will finally hear something that will allow her to say, "oooooh." As if she truly understands the full chain of reasons behind the source. :-) I don't remember the specific initial question, but one time Jeremy finally got to a point where he spewed out an extremely scientific response and Layla responded with her usual "ooooh" as if her little mind was just waiting to hear the specific explanation instead of our tamed-down responses. Or she finally heard something that sounded like mumbo-jumbo and didn't know how to ask "why" from that point. :-) It's still a little cute, but I can see it getting rather annoying pretty quickly.

Piper
Piper officially became a walker over Christmas break. She took her first steps on December 2. On Friday, December 17 she was still only taking a few steps at a time and only if someone was in front of her (or the couch). However, Saturday morning, the first day of break, she decided she was no longer going to crawl. She walked everywhere! No matter how long it took her or how many times she fell, she always stood back up and began walking again. She literally went to bed a crawler and woke up a walker.

Piper has also started giving real kisses (not just blowing them). It's so stinkin' cute! She will stick out her bottom lip and lean in until she touches your mouth. Many times they're very wet, but I can't seem to get enough of them!

Baby
Baby #3 has caused quite a few changes in our house. First of all...it's a boy!!! We found out the Friday break started and it's been quite exciting. Jeremy stood up, clapped and cheered as soon as the u/s tech said it was a boy. Quite funny. :-) I was happy myself. Secretly I was hoping for a boy but I wasn't verbalizing it and not really letting myself dwell on it mentally too much. I truly thought it was going to be a girl, though. That's what we've done in the past so why not this time?

The pronoun change is quite strange. I'm still not used to saying or hearing "he" or "him." I find myself still simply saying "baby" as it's easier. It will be strange to no longer reference "the girls."

Baby J has also become much stronger. I was reclining on the couch reading a book when suddenly it jumped. Yay! Now the movements I've been feeling for several weeks can be shared with Jeremy and others.

House
We are officially off the market. We have been since sometime in November, but the sign didn't leave our yard until Christmas break. We spent the entire day after Christmas clearing out our storage unit and, consequently, filling up our house. We've been pretty good about really filtering through everything and deciding what we can do without by either trashing it or putting it in a box for a yard sale in the spring. We've hit a rut and the boxes/totes that remain in our dining room and on our porch have sat untouched for over a week now. :-/ We'll get to them. Eventually...

18 in 6

2010-12-21T21:34:00.002-05:00

I started my master's this summer. I took 12 hours in 10 weeks! Crazy! I took another 6 this fall semester. That was also a little crazy when dealing with a full-time job and 2 little ones at home. That's a grand total of 18 hours in 6 months! The original plan was to take another 6 in the fall and then one more psycho summer of 12 hours and be done. However, baby #3 has thrown quite a curve ball into "the plan." I've decided to take one course this summer just to keep myself going but not two in order to *hopefully* allow some mental time to prepare myself for three kids. Baby is due during finals week so I may be finishing the course after baby arrives. I hope not, but chances of baby coming late aren't likely if previous baby is a factor.

I will NOT be taking any classes this summer! Complete enjoyment of my family and learning to manage life with three little ones is my only priority.

I maintained a 4.0 this summer and was really hoping to keep it up throughout my studies. However, one of my classes this semester I let "slide" a bit. It really was hard to keep up with online discussions for two classes on top of all the other stuff I had to deal with both in the classes and in my regular life. I received a B+ on 2/3 of my quizzes. 40% of my grade is a B+ average. My thoughts have been that this for sure has done me in for achieving an A in the class. The only saving grace is my project and, if my calculations are correct, I have to receive at least an A- to pull off an A in the class. This professor is quite stingy on grading and quite picky as well. His wording on quizzes is tricky and, if I do say so myself, a bit unfair. Only having the one project has not allowed me anything to compare to and not knowing how he grades these has been quite nerve-wracking. A part of me has been worried that I missed some vital part or did something completely wrong and I failed it!

I've been religiously checking my email for over a week to see what I received on this project.

Confidence has not been my friend.

I still have no email from my professor with feedback on my project! Grades were due today!

I've been checking "my final grades" online and the earliest semester I can see grades for is Summer II 2010. Ugh!

Finally, I decided to also check my "unofficial" transcript online. I was quickly scrolling down it, assuming that it would not be posted yet, when I saw the two classes I was enrolled in this semester. A and A!!!

Seeing as how I still have not received my grade for the project, I'm not extremely confident that this is accurate. However, why would it show up online if he had not already submitted my grade??? But why would he have submitted my grade and not emailed me back my project???

Please, professor, email me my project feedback before the stress kills me!

Sweetly Surprised

2010-12-21T20:30:00.002-05:00

We were pretty strict on Layla's use of the pacifier. She didn't get it for nearly 4 weeks and then we only gave it to her for sleeping purposes (mostly). We took her off the paci at night when she was 4-5 months old and only kept her on it for nap knowing that it would make life easier for all when she went to daycare. When she was a little over a year old (13-14 months), I took the paci away completely just to see what would happen. She never asked for it and never made a fuss. Piece of cake!

With Piper we were much more relaxed. She received a paci while still in the hospital and definitely was not so restricted to mostly sleeping times. We tried one night (maybe around 6 months?? 8 months??) to take it away and let her cry it out...we gave in rather quickly. I'd like to say it's because they were sharing a room but it's mostly because our patience for such things isn't what it was when we had only one kid. So we continued letting her have one as I continued to say that we are going to be in for an ugly battle when we finally decide to take it away.

Christmas break began Friday night. Saturday night I figured now would be a good time to try taking the paci away for nighttime sleeping. This really is our best shot before baby #3 arrives as it is our longest span of time where we don't have to worry about sleepless nights and school the next day. So off we went on this little venture.

Saturday night she cried for five or so minutes. Of course she was very tired from not napping too well that day.

Sunday night she only cried for a couple of minutes. Of course she was very tired from a day full of Christmas fun at Jeremy's dad's house.

Monday night she only cried for a minute or so. Of course...well...nothing.

Tonight she didn't cry at all!

Is this really happening??? I've been afraid to say anything until now for fear of jinxing us, but I'm thinking maybe this won't be quite the battle I envisioned it would be.

It's quite nice to be so sweetly surprised.

It Only Takes A Night

2010-12-18T20:39:00.003-05:00

to turn a crawler into a walker.

I saw Piper take her first steps on December 2. Five was the max for the night. Since then, we haven't really seen much more. We did get up to ten steps one time which was quite exciting! But she's always preferred crawling. The only time we could get her to take steps was if someone was right in front of her prompting her to walk. And why not crawl when you're so fast at it?!

Yesterday was no different - taking a few steps here and there but crawling most of the time.

Something changed while she was sleeping.

Today Piper has done very little crawling...walking everywhere she goes! No matter if she falls, she gets right back up and starts walking again. Walking with "large" toys in her hands or a sippy cup in her mouth, her determination is deep.

Something switched within my little pumpkin. It happened in a night. She realized that the task at hand wasn't quite so daunting. She was right. She's adapted to moving around upright quite successfully. :-)

New adventures are here and it's quite exciting!

I'm Back!

2010-12-06T21:01:00.002-05:00

After a long hiatus, I am back to blogging. I've had many blog topics pop in my head over the course of the past 4 or so months, but I've simply not gotten around to writing them. :-( I'm going to blame it on starting my master's.

Circles & Diamonds

2010-08-18T20:12:00.005-04:00

I bought Layla a giant Dora coloring book as a treat for when she came home from her first day back at "school." Turns out I didn't need to give it to her because she and Piper were having a grand ol' time playing with each other after an entire day apart. That definitely warmed my heart :-)

Today, I gave it to her and I made a few observations about the growth of her coloring that I was simply not expecting to see.

First, she was holding her crayon more like a big girl and less like a toddler! Instead of "fisting" it, she had it sticking out between her ring and pinky fingers.

Second, she drew a circle! Obviously not a perfect circle, but a circle nonetheless. This stuck out to me as I remember seeing somewhere a picture depicting the evolution of a child's drawings from the straight scratches a toddler makes to stick figures with all parts represented and fairly proportioned. One of the stages was making circular patterns. I had actually forgotten about this progression until tonight.

Third, I noticed her being more aware of what is to be colored and what is not...more aware of the lines. If you look at her drawing, you may not see this at first glance as she was most definitely still going crazy at times with her coloring :-) However, she was seeking out spots within the lines and coloring in those areas a significant amount of time.

Finally, as I was in the kitchen prepping some foods for pureeing for both Piper and our meals (trying out some Deceptively Delicious meals) I heard Layla saying, "Look, I made a diamond, mommy! Look, mommy! I made a diamond!" I really don't know what I expected to see when I walked in, but low and behold, there was a diamond! I could not believe my eyes! Again, not a perfectly formed diamond, but definitely a diamond. I am still in shock!

My little girl is growing so quickly! I hope to take notice and treasure even more of these little steps as she grows and matures into a beautiful young girl.

It's the Little Miracles

2010-07-26T14:42:00.002-04:00

I first wrote this as a note in Facebook so I could tag some key people. I also wanted it in the same place as my other blogs, so here it is copied and pasted in all its glory :-)

****************

This summer has been quite different than I ever could have imagined. I had no idea what was in store for me when beginning my Master's and working to complete 4 graduate courses in 10 weeks (it's not over yet!). This on top of wanting to fully embrace my time as a stay-at-home-mom for the summer by doing as much with my girls as possible is time consuming enough. However, the first of the summer also marked a new, unexpected, journey in my life. One that I would never choose to be on, but here I am. This road alone could have been enough to push me over the edge of insanity. Some may argue that I've long gone over, but that's beside the point. :-) I've come quite close. I dare say I've found myself hanging by my fingernails at times. But I'm back up on my feet and I firmly believe I would not be here had it not been for certain people - those of you tagged in this note and a few others who aren't yet in the Facebook world.

The past several weeks at church, each sermon seems to be speaking directly to my situation. Nothing short of a God thing. This morning's sermon made me think of you, though.

How to be a Conduit to a Miracle - Acts 3

I'm not going to talk here about miracles as we think of them (i.e., medical healings). I'm talking about the small, little miracles that happen within lives everyday that we may not even notice.

I'm not going to repreach the sermon, but there were 3 points. It was stated that if you want to be a conduit to a miracle you need to:
1) Be plugged in to Christ (Acts 3:1 Peter & John are daily "plugged into" Christ through prayer time)
2) Give away what you have (Acts 3:6 Peter & John had no money, but they gave what they had)
3) Be used (Acts 3:12-16 Peter & John were willing to be used for God's glory)

An analogy was given comparing playing softball and our willingness to be used for Christ.

The pastor's daughters have played softball for a while and he's invested a lot of money and time into their sport. He doesn't mind if they strike out, but he gets "offended" when they just stand there at the plate and don't even swing at the balls thrown. He's invested so much into the sport and they just stand there as if to say, "I don't want to try" or "I'm scared I will miss" or "Maybe the next ball will be better."

Is this how God looks at us when we don't put into practice what He's invested in us? He's given us so many talents, resources, etc. He's given us time and energy. And we often just stand there resting the bat on our shoulder telling ourselves we can't do it. We don't know how. What if we miss? What if someone sees me mess up? I don't know what to say. Someone else will do it...

Thank you for swinging. Some of you may have swung once, others multiple times. You may be confused as to how/when you swung. But you did. You may have felt that your swings were nothing but strikes...but you didn't just stand there and watch the ball go by as many others have. That may have been the easiest thing to do. Who wants to swing only to face the "humiliation" of missing? I'm positive most of you had no idea what to do or say. But you swung. You tried. You allowed yourselves to be used. You gave what you had.

I find it far more than just coincidental that this sermon happened immediately following the week I had become quite irritated, frustrated, upset, etc. by focusing on what others had NOT done to help me through this time. God gave me a nice reminder that I need to focus on the work He is doing through those who are plugged into Him, giving what they have, and willing to be used.

You, my friends, swung for Christ. He is doing great things through this situation. You have been a conduit to a miracle.

I can't put into words a description of the miracle in my life; I can't name it. In fact, before this morning, I would never have even looked at this as a miracle in my life. But it is. I can feel it. And I thank you.

Swing away.* Always. Not just for me. Not just now. But so that you are always in a position to be a conduit to a miracle.

Proverbs 11:25 - A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

*If I were ever going to use this in a message to others, I feel a clip from the movie Signs might be appropriate. Maybe. It is 11:30pm, and I could just be delirious :-)

It's nights like tonight

2010-05-19T20:40:00.002-04:00

...that I miss peanut butter.

I haven't had dinner. It's too late to cook anything, yet I need something substantial.

It's nights like tonight that I used to pull out the peanut butter and spread it on some toast.

It's nights like tonight that I used to pull out the peanut butter and spread it on a tortilla with a bit of drizzled honey and warm it in the oven.

It's nights like tonight that I used to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It's nights like tonight that I miss peanut butter.

Allergies: 2, Girls: 0

2010-05-07T13:18:00.006-04:00

The girls had their allergist appointments today. Layla's was to retest for the egg allergy. Piper's was to test for food allergies.

Going in I was 99% sure Piper had a peanut allergy. When things like this.....

become commonplace, you know something's wrong.

When this.....

occurs after physically coming in contact with peanut butter, you can pretty much bet that's the culprit.

But we made it official today. Piper tested 4+ on a 0-4 scale. We will now be living in a "peanut-free" environment.

Layla tested 4+ on the same scale. It sounds as though her allergy has worsened, but this was a different test than the one we had a year ago. Her first test was with a blood draw and she scored a 2-3 on a scale of 0-6. I'm guessing that a blood test is more accurate.

Egg allergies (although they can be fatal) are not as likely to pose a serious threat like the peanut allergy does. So we do still have eggs in the house. I don't eat them, though. I've never been a fan of eggs. It's the baking that was an issue for me. But after a year, I have finally found a substitute I really like.

1 Tbsp. flax seed + 3 Tbsp. water = 1 egg
Mix together and let it sit for 10-15 minutes until it becomes gelatinous (you will have to stir it occassionally at the beginning)

There are three benefits for this substitute:
1) It's natural (that boxed egg-substiute stuff scares me)
2) It's healthier than eggs
3) I can eat my cookie dough guilt-free!!

This peanut thing is going to give me a run for my money, though. Peanut butter is my favorite food!!

I've voluntarily been off of it for a month now and have realized just how often I eat it. It's the perfect snack! It goes with everything! And now I'm left without it in my diet :-(

However, the benefits (and cost) of breastfeeding outweigh my desire to eat peanut butter. So for 6 more months I will not consume peanut butter.

Our house will remain peanut-free for quite a while, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the delicious goodness that is peanut butter while I'm at work :-)

The egg allergy will still prove to be the most inconvenient and annoying because egg is in everything!! This peanut allergy, however, is going to be mentally difficult.

Tires Blow!

2010-05-06T22:22:00.003-04:00

We were driving to small group last Tuesday when we suddenly notice an odd sound. This was shortly followed by a "ding" in the van. Yep, our suspicions were confirmed....we just blew a tire. Lovely.

I call around to get a decent price and find $116 to be it. Lovely.

It's Thursday, we're driving to drop off the van (which requires the hubby to follow behind) and low-and-behold a tire on the car goes out! Are you kidding me?!?!

Change of plans. We take both vehicles back home and decide to get the work done at the same place.

Jeremy's car was first on the list. Turns out the other 3 tires are in poor shape and it's not smart to continue too much longer on them. [We completely trust this guy, by the way.] Final bill - $200. Lovely.

Next we drop off the bad tire from the van to see if they can get that particular type. They can, and once the tire is put on we have a second total of $140. Lovely.

We hear similar news about the tires on the van. We'd probably be fine for a while....except that we're planning a trip to Texas in a month. So 3 more tires it is. The bill will be around $400. This brings our grand total to approximately $750. Lovely.

It's not like the tires on the van are old, either. We just bought the thing 2.5 years ago off the lot.

This is not the best of times to be facing a $700 expense. Taking three months off of work has really affected our monthly income....yet our daycare expenses have more than doubled to a whopping $900/month!! Things have been tight, to say the least. It won't change until September when the new pay-year begins, either. Lovely.

So are we really trying to sell our house in order to move into a bigger house with a bigger payment??? Maybe God really does know what He's doing with the timing of our house.

The feeling I felt as we were driving around south of town today makes me want to move regardless. I could literally feel my stress levels drop. It just feels so much more calm down there. There is room to move around. Streets are great for long runs. The wind blows freely through nature and only a few structures - quite the opposite of our current location. It was quiet. It was lovely.

But before I go on & on about something I can't control, how about I focus on this $700 pain in my side. Boy, do tires blow!

"I ate it"

2010-05-01T10:28:00.004-04:00

That's what Layla said to me as she was sitting on the potty. No...she didn't eat anything that deals with the bathroom!! She was referring to play-doh. Lovely. I'm not entirely sure if she did or not, but I don't know what would have prompted her to tell me she ate it if she didn't. It looks like homemade play dough will make an appearance at our house in the near future.

I cleaned up the play-doh and gave her a cupcake to eat instead. Here she is enjoying the last bite. :-)

As I was cleaning her up she looked at her plate and said, "All gone. I ate it." Perhaps she truly did take a bite of her orange play-doh. :-/

Layla & Piper laughing

2010-04-25T11:34:00.002-04:00

I just figured out I can share my videos from YouTube on my blog!

Here are two videos showing the fun we had outside my parents' house yesterday. We were sitting on the porch swing when laughter ensued. I have never head Piper laugh so hard for so long...and it was all due to the antics of her big sister. :-) I did miss her biggest bout, but will I really remember that years from now??

I believe this is just a tiny taste of the joy these two will bring each other over the years. I can't wait to witness it!!

"hug"

2010-03-14T23:09:00.002-04:00

The lone word muttered twice by my sleeping beauty.

I went in to check on Layla as I always do before going to bed myself. She was turned around in bed so I gently lifted her to put her back in the right direction. As I did, she woke up for a brief moment and said, "hug."

She then turned onto her side and, I thought, immediately fell back asleep.

However, a couple of seconds later she fluttered her eyes and muttered "hug" as she rolled onto her back.

I bent down to give her a hug. She wrapped one arm around me, gently patted me on the back, then promptly fell asleep.

Such a sweet moment.

I have to say, I'm quite proud to be the mommy of a little girl whose first thought is to ask for a hug after being awakened from a sound slumber :-)

Pause, Please

2010-03-04T22:14:00.016-05:00

As I type, tears are flowing down my cheeks.

I have realized tonight that I can't remember Layla as a baby. I try. I remember the first night at home. I remember trying to get her to sleep those first few weeks. I remember her 1st birthday and how she toddled around. But I can't remember just holding her (which I know I did a ton of!). I can't recall the feel of her little body in my arms. I can't picture her crawling around, her baby talk, pulling up.

If only life were on constant record. If only I could rewind and view what has been.

I'm looking at her 2-year pictures and wondering how in the world she's gotten so big.

I'm looking at Piper's 3-month pictures and am sad that I won't remember this stage of her life, either.

I know each stage of life is precious. We're in such a sweet, fun stage right now. I honestly wouldn't change it. I'd love to just pause our life and stay here for a little while longer.

Just tonight I was rocking Layla before putting her to bed and sat there longer than normal simply taking in the moment - the two of us singing together. Rock-a-bye, baby; Baa, Baa Black Sheep; Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; I Love You Lord; It Is Well With My Soul. The sound of her two-year-old voice singing the words in a normal, not hushed night-time voice, and just being so relaxed in my arms. Not quite getting the point of rhythm and speeding through lines she knows super well. Being quiet just to hear her mommy sing (off-key and all). Not sensing me stifling my chuckles of joy as I listen and enjoy her songs. Hearing her whisper, "I love you, Mommy" after giving me a big hug and kiss before resting her head on her pillow. Telling me, "Thank you, Mommy" as I place her blanket over her.

But I want to have a stronger grasp on the past, too.

Pictures are good. Lord knows I have plenty of those! If I'd just get them off my darn computer and into an album.

But there's something special about just being able to pull a memory from your head and reliving it at a moment's notice. I want that! I want more!

Maybe I'm just too stressed and tired right now to be able to do that. Oh how I wish! I fear that's not the case, though. So I will have to be okay with the pictures I have, the few fleeting memories I can hold on to, and try to savor each moment before they quickly fade away.

I completely understand now why my dad used to always say, "I tried telling you girls to stop growing and you never listened."

If I can't get them to stop growing, I'd at least like a pause, please.

Blue=Green

2010-02-08T10:17:00.002-05:00

At least for my daughter.

I made blue cupcakes yesterday for the Super Bowl (still love my Colts!). They were a complete failure due to a cruddy egg substitute (I will be so glad when Layla's allergy is behind us!). They obviously weren't making it to the party, but they were still edible. I let Layla eat one and she LOVED it. Thank goodness for kids who could care less about the way things appear or if the consistency is as it should be. :-)

This morning I was a little surprised to find her poo was green...bright green!

I learned today that blue=green. At least when it comes to my daugther's input/output.

Big Girl Bed

2010-02-04T21:35:00.002-05:00

I just realized I never wrote about Layla's transition to her "big girl bed." She's been in it for two weeks now and I can't even imagine her in a crib now.

The morning of the change, I actually didn't wake up even thinking about transitioning her to a big girl bed. I don't know what got me thinking about it, but once I did, that's all I could think about. There were only a few weeks left of my maternity leave and if there were any major issues with the transition, I wanted to get them worked out before I went back to work.

We ended up getting her a twin bed rather than a toddler bed. Her crib actually transitions to a toddler bed and then a frame for a twin, but there was no way I was going to buy a second crib for Piper! The thought of buying a toddler bed didn't seem to be too wise, financially speaking, because she would quickly outgrow it. So off to the stores I went to buy twin sheets, a pillow, bed rails and a mattress & box spring.

Layla is quite the mover in her sleep. I am 100% confident that she would fall out of bed if all four sides weren't surrounded. Two sides are taken care of by walls, so I bought rails for the other two. However, once we got everything assembled, the rail I bought for the foot of the bed didn't actually work as nicely as it did in my head. So she currently has a night stand and hamper at the foot of the bed. :-) I initially had them weighted down pretty heavily so she couldn't push them away and get out, but have since removed the weight and she hasn't tried to push them. I'm not sure when to clear off the foot of the bed completely. I have walked in to check on her and seen her down there a couple of times already. We just have the mattress on the floor, but with the box spring, that's quite a fall. But I'm getting ahead.

Layla LOVES her new bed. She was jumping around like a crazy child as we were setting it up. She invited several "friends" to join her in the fun. She loves having her own pillow.

The first night was such a breeze! It could have been because it was quite a bit past her bedtime due to my persistence that we set up the bed that night :-). Whatever it was, she put her head on the pillow and went right to sleep.

Nap time the next day...not such a success. This is when I realized I needed something with more weight at the foot of the bed. I heard her cd player increase in volume tremendously which clued me in immediately that she was out of bed. I walked in to her room and she greeted me with a pleasant "Hi!" Apparently she didn't realize she was to stay in bed. Or she was just trying to be cute to prevent herself from getting into trouble. I'm sure it was the latter. :-) I ended up having to go back in there 2 different times. She sat and played in her bed for 2 hours!! She finally gave up and went to sleep...far too late in the day, but I let her sleep.

I knew the first night was too good to be true.

Second night came...again a breeze!!!

And we've had no issues since.

I think the nap time ordeal was just a fluke. She has had one or two other times where she would just sit and talk/sing/play in her crib for over an hour before falling asleep. I think this falling with the newness of a bed she could get out of extended the playing a bit, but not a huge deal.

This has been a bittersweet transition. Just another reminder that my little girl, my first born, is no longer a baby.

3 weeks

2010-01-26T11:40:00.003-05:00

I go back to work 3 weeks from today.

The emotions, thoughts, feelings this time around are quite different from when I was home with Layla. The entire month before I went back to work with her I was in tears. I would break down crying every time I thought about having to leave her. However, when the day came, I did just fine...and so did she!

With Piper, I'm feeling very calm. There are no nerves about leaving her. I am 100% confident in the place we take her. I've done this before. I know my daughter will thrive and learn. I know she will be happy. I know she will always know that I'm her mommy. :-)

With Layla I always wanted to tell the workers not to tell me when she crawled, took a step, said a word....I wanted to enjoy her "firsts" at home. I didn't want to think about the fact that someone else saw her take her first step. However, I never really got around to speaking those thoughts to the workers. And it didn't matter. She truly saved all her "firsts" for home. How do I know this? Because time and again I would pick up Layla and the workers would comment about how they saw her pull up and were excited for her...how she's started saying "uh-oh" and it was so cute...and I just smiled (and sighed with relief) because every time they said those things we had been seeing/hearing them at home for at least a week.

However, this won't stop me from actually verbalizing my wishes this time around. Piper will only be 3 months. Layla was 5.5 months. A lot happens in those 2+ months. She does have the same odds as Layla for experiencing a "first" at home or at daycare. I think we lucked out with Layla. I'm not willing to risk it this time only to have my heart broken that I missed something. Ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe not. But in cases like this I believe it is. :-)

As for returning to work, this also feels foreign compared to my feelings with Layla. I was going in to a new school (into a different subject than I was initially told - and a subject I didn't enjoy nearly as much) and into full-time teaching. While pregnant with Layla, and the time I took off with her, I was in a part-time position. Thinking about leaving my daughter for the first time on top of these new changes was a bit overwhelming to think about.

This time I am going back to the same position. There's comfort there because I know what it is I'm doing. I'm also going back to the beginning of a HUGE project for the kids. This is great because everything will (for the most part) be planned and there's less grading on my part because of the way the project is set up. So less planning and less grading will make my transition back to work fairly smooth.

One thing I am not looking forward to is actually returning to the same students I left. I know that sounds strange, but let me explain. With Layla, I was done for the year. I told my sub that it was her classroom and she could do what she liked. I didn't have to worry about the ramifications. With me having to to actually go back, I could potentially have quite a bit of "cleaning up" to do which is why I left about 10 pages of notes for my sub and that wasn't even including lesson plans I left. Seriously! I spent so much of my plan time trying to think of every minute detail to explain so she would understand what was going on and how to run things. Did she read it all? I hope so...but probably not. It definitely would have been a lot to take in. I'm left wondering what state my classroom will be in upon my return. Will all my hard work at the beginning of the year to set up structure and discipline still be in place or has it been lost? Will I have to be a tough, firm, no-fun teacher for a while to get things back in order? I sure hope not. That will only add stress to my life. I fear I will, though. I am holding on to a glimmer of hope that when the students see me back in the room they will straighten back up because they know I mean business. Or a different shred of hope that things transitioned smoothly between me leaving and my sub taking over. I won't know until I actually step back in the classroom. No use fretting over something I can't control, right? Easier said than done...

What the what?!?

2010-01-22T22:12:00.001-05:00

I just had a baby 2 months ago. I'm nursing 100% of the time. So why in the heck am I having a period?!?! This isn't supposed to be happening!!! Argh!!

**Sis, that title is for you :-)

Babies Don't Keep

2010-01-11T20:17:00.002-05:00

Cleaning and scrubbing
Can wait till tomorrow,

For babies grow up
We've learned to our sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby,
And babies don't keep.

Tenderly Love

2010-01-08T13:56:00.003-05:00

I have seen some beautiful displays of tenderly love from Layla to her sister. It just melts my heart! If only my words could paint the picture in your head perfectly.

The other day I was in the living room with the girls and noticed it got quiet (aside from the music coming from Piper's play gym). I looked over and saw the most precious scene! Piper was on her back under her play gym. Layla was on her stomach almost perpendicular to Piper. Here is the kicker. She was simply holding Piper's hand and watching her. So gentle. So sweet. I don't know how long she stayed like that, but it was definitely a long time in "toddler time."

I went to grab my phone to take a picture. It doesn't do it justice...but it is sweet nonetheless. If you happen to be "friends" with me on facebook, you can see it there. I'm sure there's a way to upload pics from my phone onto my computer and put them here, but I haven't taken the time to figure it out yet.

After taking a picture I realized I could take a video of it with my phone (my video camera was with my regular camera in Indy!! see post below). I knew I was quickly running out of time to catch this precious moment on video!

I caught the tail-end of the moment. Although Layla was no longer holding Piper's hand, she was still just sitting there staring at her sister. You can actually see Layla begin fidgeting with her hands as if she's really wanting to do something but knows she probably shouldn't...then she takes the paci out of Piper's mouth! Haha. But she so gently puts it back in. The BEST part of the video is the last second...Layla places her hand upon Piper's cheek and gives her the most loving of pats. Soooo sweet!!

I will be creating a YouTube account here shortly so I can upload the video and put it on Facebook. I will see if my husband can help me upload it here as well.

I really do love having two little girls and can't begin to fathom the things I will see from them in the future!

I know there will be *many* fights!! I'm a sister myself...I know how it works! :-) But I also know they will be the best of friends and always be there for each other.

I'm so proud to be their mommy!

Did I Just Do That?!?

2010-01-07T00:06:00.002-05:00

Did I seriously just drive to Indy at 8:45 at night simply to pick up my camera that I left there New Year's Eve?

Yes, I did!

My camera is my most beloved gadget. It captures all the memories I hope to keep for a lifetime (or more). It has been eating away at me that I haven't had it these past few days while I watch Piper smile more & more. When I see Layla with some of the greatest facial expressions ever. Sisters loving each other every day. I need my camera for all that and more!

Waiting around until someone I knew would be in Indy, or someone from Indy would be heading here was not an acceptable option. Who knows how long that would take!

Shipping it to me was another option - equally as unacceptable. The cost in packaging and shipping would have been too much...especially when you factor in that I would most definitely insure it. However, the risk of something happening to it while it still holds pictures that haven't been put on my computer was not worth it.

So off I drove.

Oh yeah, I'm forgetting another big factor in my decision of needing to get my camera NOW. A big snow storm is *supposedly* on its way here tonight. Do you have any idea how upset & frustrated I would be if Layla was enjoying playing in her first big snow and I had no way of capturing the moment?!?! The thought itself was upsetting enough.

I guess I should go ahead and confess something. My excuse for heading to Indy tonight was because of this snow storm. However, I tweaked it a bit when telling others about what I was doing. To their knowledge, I was worried about how long the weather would stay bad...how long the roads would be yucky for driving...and I wanted to get the camera before any of that hit. In reality, I just wanted my camera for this snow tomorrow. I didn't even tell my husband the real reason because I figured he'd just make fun of me.

Does this mean I have an addiction to my camera? I obviously knew others would find it silly to drive over 2 hours late at night for a camera simply so I could have it in the morning when my daughter plays in the snow. I can hear then now:
"There will be other snows."
"She might not even like it."
"There might not even be any snow in the morning."
Yeah, yeah. But it's her FIRST snow to play in!
"She's not going to know the difference."
But I will!

And that was that. Off I drove, by myself, in below freezing weather, to get a camera for my daughter's first big snow. :-)

Accessories

2010-01-06T23:53:00.002-05:00

I believe there might be something hidden inside me that I never knew existed...the desire to accessorize with purses.

I decided that I wanted to get a new purse with some of my Christmas money, so I headed to the mall to look around. I really shocked myself with how many different ones I was finding I liked and how "non-traditional" (black, brown, tan) they were. Too bad 95% of them were far more than I could justify spending on a purse!

It's also a shame that the cute purses I apparently desire to have don't match my sense of style when it comes to my clothes. :-( I think this comes from not liking the current size & shape of my body. Two babies in less than two years didn't help that much. But it is something I resolve to work on (intensely!) this year.

As for the accessories, I think I just need someone with a stronger fashion sense to help push me in the right direction...to nudge me to actually make the purchase(s) I want to make...to ensure me that I wouldn't look like an idiot walking around town with that on my shoulder. :-)

Good Eatin'!

2010-01-06T23:39:00.003-05:00

We had some good eatin' going on in our house today!

Layla ate an entire bowl of oatmeal & raisins this morning. An hour later she ate nearly an entire banana. About an hour and a half later she ate a pb&j sandwich (one slice of bread) and about 5 Veggie Straws. I couldn't believe it! She finished a lunch plate! I can't recall the last time that's happened...if ever! So she was given a "treat" - one stick of a Kit-Kat bar :-) She thoroughly enjoyed her treat! While she was relishing in the deliciousness, I kept trying to reiterate that she got the treat b/c she ate her food until it was "all gone."

Please note that this is a BIG DEAL in our house! Miss Layla, although very happy and healthy (albeit petite), never cares much for eating anything. When she asked for a banana, I thought for sure it would be another wasted piece of fruit. When she ate it, I figured that meant lunch was a no-go. Boy was I wrong!

Dinner wasn't as huge of a success, but we did get several bites of chicken & dumplings and tomatoes down...that equals success in my book!

***

I have been doing better as well. I have had vegetables every day for about a week! I know it sounds puny, but we're so bad at incorporating veggies into our meals. Today I actually had a double dose of the daily serving as my soup (0 WW points!) for lunch had a full serving of veggies and I had a salad with my dinner tonight. Yay, me!

Fruits are my next task. I'm thinking yogurt smoothies will be the most effective way to ensure I'm getting my daily dose. :-)

SUCCESS!!!

2009-12-30T21:33:00.001-05:00

Layla willingly sat down to let me clip her nails!! She was even offering up her fingers one at a time!! Woohoo!!!

Here's to hoping this wasn't a one-time deal!

Just Another Day in My Life

2009-12-27T08:50:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, December 23

I went for my scheduled 1-hour massage at 10:30. Perfect! Piper had just been fed and there was no rush to get home. I sat down in the office only to hear them tell me that they didn't have me down until 11:30. What?! I vividly remember the phone conversation (b/c I was debating between a different date) and I repeated the time back to her. I then immediately put it in my phone calendar. Now maybe I did mark it incorrectly...but I'm 95% sure I was in the right. But what am I going to do at this point?

I had a few small errands to run so I left.

I stopped by the bank to put some savings bonds for the girls (from their great-grandmother) in the safe deposit box. Since there was time to kill, I sifted through the items and saw Layla's birth certificate. Apparently we got it 4 months after she was born. Which got me thinking...what did we need her birth certificate for? What paperwork were we filling out? What required that item? What are we forgetting with Piper? Hmmmm....

Next it was off to the post office to mail a couple more Christmas letters/pictures. I was on the phone chatting with my mom and next thing I know I'm stuck in the turn lane to get on to I-70 West! Oops! Here I am headed to Illinois.

Doesn't matter, right? I have time to kill. :-)

This got me reminiscing on my summer in Colorado (I drove I-70 all the way there). I definitely left a piece of my heart there. One of these days I do hope to go back!

I finally make it back to where I ought to be and notice a Washington license plate in front of me.

This got me reminiscing on our trip to Idaho/Washington last year. I went to visit a best friend & do some sight-seeing. One of these days I do hope to go back!

Finally I make it to my destination! I am pleasantly surprised there is no wait (I went in the day before and the line was INSANE - thank you automated stamp dispenser!). I walk up to the counter and ask for 2 holiday stamps. "Oh, I'm sorry. I can't break up the book of holiday stamps." Oh. Okay. I guess I'll take the generic stamps. The whole point of me going to the post office was for the cute little holiday stamps! I have generic ones at home. Ugh! A wasted trip.

Doesn't matter, right? I have time to kill. :-)

After this I head back to my massage. On the way I thought I heard air coming in through a window so I make sure they're all rolled up. For some reason, I lowered the driver's side sliding door window. When I rolled it back up there was a loud pop about a half-second after it closed. I wasn't quite sure it was related, so I rolled it down and up again. Pop. I looked back to see if something was getting in the way. Nope. Try again. Pop. Greeeaaat.

While this is happening, I am watching the driver in front of me swerve over the middle line two times.

So not only did I have the wrong massage time, nearly make it to a different state, make an unnecessary trip to the post office, and have a van window that's falling apart but I've got a crazy driver in front of me that might cause a wreck that includes me! Oy!

I turn in to the parking lot to finally get this massage and a car swerves around the corner missing me by mere inches!

Maybe it was a blessing that my massage was an hour later than I thought. I would hate to ruin a perfectly relaxed body by then facing all the above issues!

***I did enjoy the time to be able to simply be left alone with my thoughts, though. No kid(s) in the back talking/crying/begging for my attention. No husband. Just me, myself and I. I think I need to allow myself more times like that :-)

How do I get my daughter to eat?

2009-12-16T19:32:00.002-05:00

That is the question.

Eating pancakes & other carb-filled items will not cut it.

Do I simply let her go hungry? Will that teach her?

Ugh!

2009-12-10T15:28:00.003-05:00

Why do my best friends have to live states away?!?! What I wouldn't give to be able to just sit on the couch and sip some hot cocoa with them while chatting, discussing, advising, learning & growing together. While we're at it we may as well throw laughter and some good healthy tears into the mix.

New Eyes

2009-12-03T15:24:00.002-05:00

This blog is over 2 weeks due. I never seem to find time to sit down and blog the many things in my head!

The moment I stepped out of the hospital and into the van, my darling Layla was seen with new eyes.

Her face appears so mature.

Her eyes are so large.

She's tall.

Her legs are full & thick.

Can this possibly be my little baby girl?!?! Not anymore. She's officially stepped into the role of "Mommy's big girl" and it literally happened overnight!

I swear she learned & grew SO much in the 3 days that passed while I was in the hospital!

Tomorrow marks Piper's 3-week birthday and I still haven't fully adjusted to these new eyes and how they view my little sweet pea. It's such a transformation. I really can't put it into words....so this will just have to be the end of my post. :-)

Piper's Birth Story

2009-11-24T12:06:00.010-05:00

Piper's birth story really begins March 2, 2008 - the day her sister was born. You see, Layla was born via c-section and I was determined to not have to repeat that for my next pregnancy. Thus began my research into VBACs (vaginal births after cesarean).

My research was sporadic during Layla's first year of life. However, my mental determination was there and growing stronger. Each month that passed meant another month of my scar growing stronger and lessening my chances of the uterus rupturing during delivery.

Once I found out I was pregnant, I began calling around to find a doctor who would allow me to try for a VBAC with this pregnancy. I was even looking into hospitals in Indianapolis...that's how determined I was!! My doctor with Layla's pregnancy used to do VBACs all the time. He stopped once he moved his office out of the Professional Building and a mere 3 minutes down the road. Legal jargon is what prevents most doctors from performing VBACs. Ugh! That doctor did attempt to persuade me that a repeat c-section wouldn't be too bad b/c he would perform a little tummy tuck while he was at it. Tempting...but not enough! Luckily, I found a local doctor who allows patients to attempt VBACs. Woohoo!!!

Let's move ahead to about 31 weeks into the pregnancy. We had our 3-D ultrasound and it was wonderful. We did, however, discover that baby Johnson was in a breech position. A week later, at my normal check-up, she was still breech. What a way to ruin all my hard work at preparing for a VBAC!!

For the next month or so, you could often find me with my head down and butt up - techniques to get that baby to flip. I also began going to the chiropractor again and had him use the Webster Technique on me as well.

At my 37 week appointment, I asked my doctor to see if she could tell if the baby had flipped. I know I hadn't felt anything that would warrant a flip and wasn't too positive that she would give me good news. She went ahead and did an internal exam....and felt a head!!!! I was so overcome with joy that my eyes teared up! Who knows how many times I asked her if she was 100% sure. It was the end of the day, so she took me to the ultrasound machine to show me visual confirmation. Baby Johnson had indeed flipped!!!!

At 38.5 weeks - Friday, November 6 - my Braxton Hicks contractions changed. They now started feeling "crampy" as opposed to simply a tightening of my stomach. They were still very irregular but continued the entire weekend.

39 weeks - Tuesday, November 10 - I had my appointment (2cm & 50% effaced) and was discussing with my doctor what would happen if I went into labor the next day (she was going to be in Chicago!). She informed me that the doctor on call that night was not a fan of VBACs and would do his best to tell me I need a c-section. She did tell me I can always refuse to sign the paperwork. She didn't say too much about the doctor on call during the day on Wednesday. I had planned on taking the afternoon off and doing tons of walking and other things to get labor progressing. The news of these doctors on call changed my plans and I instead went home and just relaxed. The last thing I wanted was to be in labor and have the stress of a doctor trying to convince me to have a c-section.

Tuesday night around 10:00 my contractions kicked it into high gear! Jeremy & I were up ALL night! It was not fun at all. I kept watching the clock, wondering what time the doctors switched shifts. I was determined to stay home as long as possible to at least avoid the first doctor on call!

Wednesday morning around 7:00, the contractions quit almost entirely! Are you kidding me?!?! What is that all about! Oh well, I can now relax (Veteran's day = no school) and keep this baby in me until my doctor returns.

At some point I told Jeremy that I would not consider an epidural until I was at least 7cm and baby was obviously descending into the birth canal. Layla was a c-section because I was induced and she simply would not come down. There are a lot of factors I blame the c-section on - being induced early, having my water broken manually after just an hour on pitocin, being stuck in bed for the entire labor, having an epidural slow things down even more. I was determined to do the opposite of all these things with this pregnancy!

Wednesday night, the contractions begin again. By 3:30am Thursday morning we decide to head to the hospital. They examine me and see that I'm still 2cm & 50% effaced. What?!?! All that pain Tuesday night did NOTHING!! I was in shock. They hook me up and monitor me for an hour. Examine me again - no change! I get orders to walk around for an hour so off we go through the halls of the hospital feeling as though we're walking through places we shouldn't be. Jeremy sneaks off and gets us breakfast. Since I'm not officially admitted I haven't been told I can't eat. :-) After the hour is up, we head back. No change!! You have got to be kidding me! I honestly can't believe these contractions are doing nothing! I break down and cry (emotional me) and they send me home. My doctor tells me to take some Tylenol PM and go to sleep. The nurse leaves me with some positive thoughts saying she doesn't think I'll make it through the day before coming back. I nod & smile, realizing she's most likely just trying to cheer me up.

I take Tylenol PM and get very little sleep. I'm awakened every few minutes groaning in pain.

We sit down to watch some Tuesday night shows and at some point my contractions get considerably harder. We were told not to come back until the contractions are 3-5 minutes apart for at least an hour. Earlier in the day they were, but that was only if I was up and moving around. Now they were about 4 minutes apart no matter what I did. We made it 45 minutes and I had had enough. We were heading to the hospital.

Around 10:15pm we were back at the hospital. They examined me...4cm!!!! Woohoo!!! I was admitted and we were off to begin this journey!

Now keep in mind that we had been up since Tuesday morning. We were both exhausted to say the least.

I changed up labor a bit by rotating between sitting in bed, sitting on the birthing ball, and walking around. The contractions were quite hard, but that didn't stop my eyes from crossing from sheer exhaustion in between each one. I would be sitting on the birthing ball and almost fall off from falling asleep in the couple of minutes I had between contractions.

I finally realized that I was going to have absolutely no strength or energy to push when it came time for that if I did not get some rest now. I called in the nurse and asked her to examine me.

7cm!!! Baby was at the 0 station!! Progress was being made!!! After a somewhat lengthy conversation with the nurse (her name was Jessica and she was 6 months pregnant), I decided that an epidural wouldn't be the end of the world. She was convinced that I would continue to progress. She actually told me that being able to rest would most likely speed things up. I was at the minimum requirements I had set for myself before getting an epidural. I went ahead and decided to get it.

Around 4:00am, I had the epidural. I didn't get the great sleep I was hoping for, but I was able to doze off here and there.

Around 7:00am I started to feel more pressure. I was asked if I would mind having an EMT-in-training guy in the room during the delivery. I said no. *As I think back on my answer, I really don't know what frame of mind I was in. I don't regret having him in there...it just strikes me as odd that I would allow a stranger in there. He walked away with some excellent visual images to assist him should he ever have to deliver a baby while on the job!!

Around 7:30am I was feeling even more pressure. The nurse had me do a few practice pushes during contractions to see how the baby moved.

A little after 8:00am, the doctor came in and I began pushing. The nurse asked if I wanted a mirror in there so I could see what was going on and I said yes. She walked in with a full-size mirror and I was able to watch the entire delivery!

My eyes continued to cross between pushes because I was still so stinkin' tired. At times I had 4-5 minutes between contractions and had a little time to rest, which was nice.

There were times when Jeremy & the nurse would comment on how much the head moved when I pushed. From my angle I could see the head, but I couldn't see much movement with each contraction. I just took their word for it.

The head seemed to come out so quickly! I was ready for some major pain & pushing and that just didn't happen. She just popped her cute little head out. Of course the resident doctor stepped in front of the mirror at that exact moment and I didn't get to see it all happen! I don't believe he realized what he did, and I started waving my hand saying "you're in front of the mirror." He finally stepped aside and I saw the most amazing thing ever! I couldn't believe it!

The doctor then apologized and told everyone "this is going to be messy." Everyone took a step back (except for Jeremy). Next thing I know I'm being sprayed with liquid. I had no idea what was going on...I thought it was amniotic fluid or something. Come to find out later, the baby's cord was around her neck (not tight and life-threatening) just enough that the doctor couldn't pull it over her head like she needed to before delivering the rest of the baby. She had to cut it right then...so the spraying liquid was actually blood! Jeremy describes it as a scene out of a movie and it all happening in slow motion. All I know is that when it was all said and done and I looked around, there was blood on the bed, on Jeremy's shirt, and apparently on my face. Oh well, such is life! :-)

Once she cut & clamped the cord, the baby came out in no time flat.

9:11am - Baby Johnson is born!!

She is immediately placed in my arms and I am overwhelmed that it has actually happened....I had a successful VBAC!!!!!

Holding her in my arms was such a blessing! Being able to see & feel everything during the entire delivery was amazing!! All the things that sent me into floods of tears the weeks after Layla's delivery (regrets of having a c-section) were accomplished with this one!! It was everything I could have hoped for and more!!

Giving birth is such an amazing process! I can't truly put into words the excitement and joy I felt having been able to delivery naturally.

Piper Marie Johnson was born on Friday, November 13 at 9:11am. She weighed 8lbs and 8oz, was 22" long and had a head covered in dark hair!

Layla has the privilege of being my first pregnancy, and Piper has the privilege of being my first delivery! Both are such a blessing in my life!! I am excited to see what the future has in store for my family of four!

I want to be "Left Behind"

2009-11-08T16:59:00.012-05:00

I've never read the "Left Behind" series (1995-2007), nor have I ever really had the desire to. Not because I was against it in any way, or trying to avoid thinking about the End Times. I've just never been one for Christian fiction.

I remember watching a movie in youth group that was about the Rapture: A Thief in the Night (1972). I don't remember a whole lot about it. What sticks out the most is a girl running and the song "I Wish We'd All Been Ready" by Larry Norman playing quite often. DC Talk has since covered this song making it popular again (at least for my generation).

From what I gather (never having read the books myself), the book series, movie and song all deal with the fact that people will be "left behind" when Jesus comes again. He will take with him the Christians and the world that remains is not one in which you would desire to be left behind.

This is what I've always believed to be true.

This morning in church, the pastor said something that really rocked my world...left me sitting there with wide eyes and, after hearing the scriptures referenced, left a half-smile on my face.

"We want to be left behind."

What?! Come again?!

"We want to be left behind."

That's what I thought you said.

Let me back up...

The sermon this morning was about "The Parable of the Weeds" found in Matthew 13: 24-30, 36-43.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world: wheat & weeds.

vs. 40-42 - "As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them in the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Just as you pull up weeds from your garden and throw them out, so will the angels pull up the "weeds" and throw them out.

Move ahead a few chapters in Matthew to 24:37-41.

"As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left."

In the Parable of the Weeds you see that the weeds will be thrown out. The wheat is left behind in the garden.

In the flood, who was taken away? Who was left behind?

"...This is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man..."

Why would there be a sudden reversal in thought and the very next verses (40-41) come to mean the righteous are taken and the wicked remain?????

Doesn't really make sense, does it?

It makes me wonder where this theory that when Jesus returns, the believers will be taken away and the non-believers will remain.

Did it come about simply as a comfort method for believers...to dwell in the happy thoughts that we wouldn't be around for things mentioned in Revelation???? I don't know.

Isaiah 65 & Revelation 21 both speak of a new heaven and new earth. Why in the world would there need to be a new earth if all believers have been taken up to heaven??? Because they haven't. They have been left behind and the earth as it was intended to be, will be.

Perfect.

"There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4

"...I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy...the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more. Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years" Isaiah 65:18-20

I want to be left behind!!

Oh the joys...

2009-10-15T06:03:00.003-04:00

...of being pregnant!

Extreme hip pain at night

Leg cramps that wake you up in the worst way possible

Waking up every time you move because it's so stinkin' uncomfortable to turn

No sleep

People telling you how miserable you look (gee, thanks!)

Worries about if your baby is still breech

Not fitting into any of your clothes (even maternity!)

Needing new shoes that slip on b/c you can't bend over to tie anymore

Did I mention lack of sleep???

Spending all your planning time at work prepping for your maternity leave rather than grading the piles of papers cluttering up your desk

Stretch marks

Waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom

Swelling

But there are wonderful things as well...

Feeling your daughter move around inside you

Seeing her move around inside you

Hiccups

Ultrasounds that give you a peek inside the mysterious wonders of pregnancy

Not feeling guilty about eating that donut at church every Sunday

Dreaming about what she will look like

Thinking about the joys she will bring to your family

Knowing that this is the only time in your life when gaining weight is acceptable

Anticipation of her arrival into the world

The list may be shorter, but it definitely outweighs the first :-)

Heart

2009-10-15T05:59:00.002-04:00

I realize I never updated about Layla's 2-D echo. She did very well through the procedure, falling asleep ended up being a much easier task than I had thought. However, when they got to the final views that could only be gotten by having her head tilted back and the sonogram stick thingy up under her neck, she woke up and was not a happy camper...at all! Needless to say, there were really no pictures done from this angle. We were crossing our fingers that this didn't mean we'd have to come back another day and try again. We didn't. Turns out her heart is perfectly normal!! Praise God.

Now if only I would have thought to ask the doctor if we could come back in a week to see if she still hears the murmur before scheduling such a procedure, life would have been a lot less stressful. Of course, had I done that, and the doctor been willing, and then we find out that there were issues with her heart I would have felt rather guilty holding off. I guess it's better to err on the side of caution, right?

I still think it was something with her lungs :-)

The Saga Continues

2009-09-09T20:03:00.007-04:00

Layla's 18-month appointment was today. Or at least I thought it was today. After an hour in the waiting room and seeing 2 families that arrived after us get called in before us, I went to the check-in and asked how much longer we had. That's when I was informed that her appointment was actually yesterday! I honestly don't know how I got mixed up because I vividly remember putting the date into my phone calendar while standing at the desk 2 months ago when scheduling the appointment. Regardless, the lady apologized for missing that bit of info (HELLO, we checked in the moment we arrived!) and we finally saw the doctor 1.5 hours after arrival.

Jeremy and I were hoping for a minimum of 21 pounds with 22 pounds being the actual goal. Unfortunately, the scale read a mere 20.5 pounds. She has grown about an inch and a half, and her head has grown a centimeter. So it's not all frowns. Just a quick side note on the height growth...I'm pretty sure the last time they measured they were off, or the Dr. in Indy was off, because she showed a shrinkage between those two visits (if memory serves me correctly). So the 1.5 inches might not be exactly accurate, but I do feel she is taller regardless.

The doctor was extremely impressed with Layla's vocabulary!! She kept saying how she is way ahead of what is expected of an 18-month old in this area. Yay, Layla!! She was also thoroughly impressed with Layla's knowledge of all her body parts (right down to her neck, chin and difference between her hands and fingers)! She asked us if we were teaching her all this and our only response was that she truly just picks up on these things very quickly. I just happened to ask her a couple of days ago where her back was (never having mentioned it to her or pointed it out to her before) and much to my surprise she pointed it out immediately...and mom's and dad's which she has to do for everything.

The doctor also couldn't believe how active Layla was during the appointment. She was constantly going from one part of the room to the next, playing around with us and the doctor. I should add here that I was very happy with how well Layla stayed entertained and well-behaved during our extremely long wait in the lobby. *Knock on wood*

But the title of this post is "The Saga Continues" and we wouldn't be talking about Layla if yet another health issue didn't arise.

While the doctor was listening with her stethoscope (which Layla did EXCEPTIONAL with this time...remaining oh so still with her cute little ankles crossed at the foot of the bed) she turned and asked me if we had ever had a "2-D echo." My initial reaction was, "a what?" which I think answered the doctor's question for her. :-) She then went back to listening. And then question actually registered in my head...she was asking if we'd ever had any issues with her heart. As she continued to listen my head started reeling.

I attempted to pause any unnecessary thoughts by assuming she was actually hearing wheezing (Layla has had quite a cough for a week or so). However, this assumption was thwarted when she stopped her listening and turned to say "her chest sounds very clear."

You know how thoughts can pass through your mind in the split of a second and all at the exact moment? That's what happened at this point in time.

Are you sure it's clear? She's had such a cough lately. I hear & feel her chest rattling when I have my hands around her core. If you're saying the chest is clear, then you truly were listening to her heart. What's wrong? What did you hear? Why were you taking such a long time listening to her chest...you've never done that before...

She turns and states that she believes she hears a slight murmur with Layla's heart. Outside I remain rather calm, inside I'm...well I don't even know what I was inside - but there was a definite difference between the two parts of me - as if I could have been two separate people standing there.

She then goes on to tell us not to worry. She didn't hear any sort of blaring murmur that screamed of any type of immediate attention. Just something ever so slight that she wants to get checked out with an ultrasound.

I'm pretty sure she spat out several names for murmurs, or several types. Either I wasn't able to listen because my head was still trying to grasp this bit of news or she stopped and didn't really elaborate any more because I don't recall her telling us what she feels it might be. I do know she began saying that "it could be something that you or I..." and then she stopped. In my head I finished the sentence for her "could have once had and outgrew." I'm not sure why she stopped...I think it's because Layla was beginning to get very antsy/fussy and was tossing around the tissue paper they use to cover the beds with which was quite loud and distracting.

She just stated again for us not to worry.

And that's where we currently stand. We're waiting to get a call to see when our scheduled "2-D echo" is...it will be sometime this week or next.

A part of me still hopes that she was just hearing something with Layla's lungs - I went in expecting to hear this...I'm used to lung issues and can handle them. But she's a doctor...she listens to many lungs and hearts every day. I'm sure she knows the difference between lung gunk and heart murmurs.

Learning & Growing

2009-08-29T13:00:00.017-04:00

Layla loves to throw things away. She actually gets mad (nearing quite a fit) when I throw something away and not her. Most any paper item that she can get her hands on gets crumpled up and then she looks up to me and says, "away!" Dirty diapers are now her responsibility - an undertaking she has voluntarily taken upon herself. I have to admit, it is quite cute hearing her walk around saying, "away - away" :-)

She has also takin' a liking to the word yellow. If you ask her what color something is, her response is always "yellow" - putting the emphasis on "-ow". She gets her mouth so cute and round :-) She is also very good at saying "purple" - the ladies at day care even commented on it. She doesn't put the endings on other colors such as red and green. My guess is it's a consonant thing. It's interesting that the words she prefers are seemingly harder words. I think she just enjoys making the "l" sound.

We have added some new animal sounds to the list as well. Elephant, monkey, frog, owl, and bee are the ones I can think of at the moment. The elephant is the cutest to witness, but I think the frog is the cutest to hear.

Kisses are abundant! She puckers out her bottom lip and leans forward. Too cute!! She especially loves to give them before going to bed or down for a nap - I think it's a bit of a stall tactic :-)

Climbing is a favorite past time. She is often sitting on the back of the couch, much like a cat. Just today I found her on the bench in the dining room. I am a bit perplexed at how she got up there b/c it's higher than other things she's gotten on to and there was nothing around to assist her.

She enjoys pointing out things that are mine ("momma") or Jeremy's ("dadda"). She will repeat our names over and over and over until we acknowledge that we have heard her. She also says her name surprisingly well.

In response to the question "How old are you?" she holds up her right pointer finger - but it's always right next to her nose and angled just slightly. I'll have to get a picture and post it.

She pats my belly and says "baby." However, I don't truly think she understands. She clearly says both "baby" and "belly" so it's not an issue of miscommunication. It's interesting to hear...I wish I could know what's going on in her mind. She sometimes pats too hard and I tell her to "be nice" and she she'll then start rubbing my belly. :-) Hopefully I'm not confusing her by saying "there's a baby in my belly"...maybe she's beginning to associate all bellies with babies - or thinking she's had the word wrong in the past and now only calls it "baby." Yikes! That'd be embarrassing...have her walk up to someone, touch their belly and say "baby" - haha!

We transitioned her to big-girl baths over the summer rather than sitting in her infant/toddler tub. At first she refused to sit...but she got over that and loves bath time even more than she did before! I bought a skid-resistant mat that's a piece of junk!! It's got no fewer than 20 little suction cups (**update: I just counted 50!!!)that won't stay down...so the mat is constantly floating up. I'm so annoyed!!! However, I'll hold out until we get into a new house and she has a bathroom of her own that we can put down some of those more permanent skid-sticker things on the bottom of the tub.

*Update: I forgot to mention that one of her canine teeth has officially poked through...just waiting on the other 3 to follow suit. It won't be long until my baby girl has 16 teeth!

Things aren't all mushy and happy, though. She still throws tantrums...mostly when I won't pick her up (b/c I'm busy attempting to clean, cook dinner or do something other than giver her all my attention). She learned quickly that she must say "up" and "please" before I will stop what I'm doing to hold her. Of course the words now come through crying...we'll have to work on her calming down before being picked up, but for now I'm happy that she's using her words.

She's also still into hitting. It hasn't seemed to be an issue at daycare, though - so that's a plus. Time-outs haven't been as effective. I have simply been restraining her hands and holding her in my lap. The last few times she actually seemed to enjoy being in my lap. I've tried out a corner in the house the last 2 times - the first time was a success (in that she did not enjoy it at all)...but just today she sat there almost happy - maybe b/c I sit right there in front of her making sure she doesn't get up. But the interesting thing is, after time was up and she said sorry, she walked right to the mirror and hit herself via the mirror. I asked her if she needed another time out and she walked right to the corner and sat!! Apparently this isn't that effective, either. It's going to remain our time-out spot until I can think of another option. She has learned that hitting mom & dad is usually what ends her up in time-out...so she has resorted to hitting herself. Ugh! I can't wait until she comes up with better ways to vent her frustrations.

Looking mom in the eyes while I tell her that a specific action is a no-no is becoming more and more difficult for her to do. It's amazing how quickly kids learn that it's not easy to look mom in the eyes and admit you were wrong. We have had time-outs last longer than they should simply b/c she refuses to say "sorry." Oiy!

Lessons Learned in Yardwork

2009-07-02T16:45:00.011-04:00

1.) Invest in knee pads, especially when having to kneel on/over concrete (ouch!).

2.) Being ambidextrous would come in quite handy - evening out the playing field for your arms

3.) Ensure that the hole is indeed deep enough for your plant. The first hole I dug wasn't and I knew immediately upon placing in the plant that it probably wasn't going to make it (despite my best efforts to remedy the problem). Here it is just 2 days later :-(

4.) You can in fact trim a tree with just a bow saw, ladder and 2 people (one sawing and one pulling the branches down). Gloves help tremendously for the one holding the branches down.

5.) Know your neighbors - they just might have the tool you need. Thanks for the saw, Clara!

6.) A weed-eater that turns 90 degrees does wonders for trimming the edges of your sidewalk.

7.) Two flats of impatiens go a long way!

8.) A sprinkler system would be amazing! I fear I will soon slack in my watering and kill all my hard work :-/

9.) It is all quite enjoyable - it's nice to be outside in the dirt every now and then :-)

Chatter-box

2009-06-26T10:28:00.003-04:00

Miss Layla has become quite the chatter-box. She has always been a talker, but these last two weeks she has really stepped it up.

She's mimicking what we say. New words have been added to her vocabulary in just a short amount of time.

She jabbers ALL the time!

She has always liked "talking" on her cell phone...which simply consisted of holding it up to her ear (head tilted slightly) and saying "hi."

Now she walks around with her phone carrying on a conversation in her own little language. If only I had a video to show.

She will say something and look up at me as if I should understand what she just said. Talking to us (and herself) has become quite the norm.

It's actually nice as she will entertain herself a bit better now...reading a book and talking away.

She is currently talking to herself in the mirror on the closet door

Some of her new words are: all done, apple, nana, pappaw, hat, eye, nose, mouth, toe, wow, whoa. Add these to her other list of words and she's developing quite a vocabulary.

She says more in a mimicking fashion ("say ____")...but if you were to hear them outside of that context, you probably couldn't make out what she's saying.

She knows some animal sounds (dog, cat, cow, sheep, snake, and duck sort-of).

She can point to all her body parts (head, ears, nose, mouth, eyes, hands, arms, feet, toes, knees, belly). She prefers to point out the parts of others, though.

If you open a book and ask her to find various items she will point to them (i.e. cloud, flower, mouse, fish, lots of animals).

I am just amazed at how much she learns every day.

Might we have a little girl who will be one of those kids that just never stops talking??? Lord, let me think it's as cute then as it is now. :-)

Vitamins, Shadows, & Chess

2009-06-13T16:39:00.002-04:00

I have been completely awful about taking my prenatal vitamins with this pregnancy. I wasn't the greatest with Layla, but this is just ridiculous. I *maybe* have taken a grand total of 2 weeks worth of vitamins :-/ Jeremy teases that our child is going to have a third arm. He said this with Layla and I just laughed it off...but this go-around I have quite a bit more guilt and truly hope I haven't affected this baby in a negative way with my lack of proper nutrient/vitamin consumption.

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Several weeks ago Layla found her shadow for the first time. It was so stinkin' cute to watch! It kept her occupied for 7-10 minutes and had me laughing the entire time. She would run over where she could see it in front of her and do several things. She first "ooo-oooo-ooooed" in perfect Layla fashion while looking back and forth from her shadow to me. She would bend down in an attempt to touch it and/or pick it up. She waved her arms around while watching her shadow do the same thing. She waved her head back and forth. But the cutest part of it all was her side-stepping over to me to get away from it...keeping an eye on her shadow and watching in wonderment/amazement/confusion (I don't know?) as it followed her right along. She would then give up and run right to me and turn around to see that her shadow had disappeared. She would run back over to the foyer (where she could see it the best) and repeat the process over again. TOO CUTE!!! If only I had a video camera to capture the moment...

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Let me just preface by stating that I have been thinking about this particular blog topic for quite some time...before I even had a blog...and I could possibly go on and on about it, but I'll stick to the main points.

Driving is quite comparable to a chess game. Although I'm not a chess player (I think I've played twice in my life), I know to be good you have to think several steps ahead.

I don't know why I never got into chess because I actually enjoy games with this type of mental requirement. Actually, I'm sure I never got into it solely because it was a game my dad was always wanting to teach me and have me play. Oh how I can wait for those days when Layla chooses to do quite the opposite of what I suggest/advise.

But I'm getting off topic.

Driving.

I am constantly thinking several steps ahead while driving. Not so much in an effort to prevent accidents (which is how I should be using such mental acuteness), but as a way to get me where I want to go sooner. Looking ahead to see what lane I need to be in...judging this info. not simply on the car in front of me, but the cars 5 or 6 ahead of me. This might require me to go against my initial instinct to switch lanes, but I feel such success when I begin passing those cars in that particular lane.

This also applies to stoplights and stop signs. Depending on the color of the ligt as I begin to approach determines if I continue on to the light or turn sooner to avoid a red light.

With that said, it truly is one of my pet-peeves to be riding with someone who doesn't "play the game" like I do. It's fairly easy for me to bite my tongue when I'm in a car with a friend or acquaintance. However, I have had to do quite a bit of tongue-biting when in the car with my wonderful husband Jeremy.

It really shouldn't bother me so much. I should just enjoy the ride. But I can't help it...it's a game that was ingrained into my being from all the driving back and forth from college my freshman year at ISU. It's just a part of who I am.

This speaks of my natural competitive nature, I think. I have to be doing the best, picking the best options, getting somewhere the fastest way possible, etc. It's a character trait I have been working on over the past several years when it comes to playing actual games with company. I guess some are turned away from a competitive nature...but it's seriously all in fun.

Unless of course you are blatantly not being fair. I have a perfect example of this happening during a game of Monopoly.

But I'm off topic again.

I will continue to play my chess game as I drive. I will most likely continue to predict appropriate moves for the driver as a passenger...but will work on not getting so inwardly frustrated when the driver does not have the same strategy (or no strategy at all) as me.

Lego Friends

2009-05-24T18:30:00.004-04:00

This morning in church the pastor compared our intimate friendships with a Lego block. A person can have roughly 8 intimate friendships in his/her life (maybe a couple more, maybe a couple less) - just as a Lego can hold up to 8 different pieces on its frame.

I long for my Lego friends!

I never truly had these Lego friends until I began college. I had always longed for them and never understood why I never had a true best friend. I think maybe God was just giving me no reason to rely on anyone else but Him.

College began and so did my life with Legos! I found friendships that quickly became the closest ones I'd ever had. Life was wonderful.

College graduation came around and slowly my Legos were leaving. It took a couple of years, but eventually all my Legos left town (aside from my hubby whom I love dearly).

This was a very difficult time...

I don't think there is a time in your life that so perfectly allows you to develop such intimate relationships as college.

I've learned to deal with the fact that my Legos are not able to swing by for a nice chat or fun evening out.

Have I dealt with it well? If you consider swallowing my time with work and family "well", then I guess you could say yes.

But I am a woman! I need my relationships! My husband is wonderful...but I need some girls to simply hang with, let loose with, etc.

Will I ever have the opportunity to create such relationships again? I hope so...but I'm not holding my breath for any time soon.

An old girl scout (?) song just popped in my head - Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold

I am in NO WAY looking to replace my current Legos! They are irreplaceable! But I do still have a few prongs left for some new ones.

Maybe God is once again telling me I simply need to solely rely on Him and it's taken me 3 years to figure it out...

Links

2009-05-17T20:49:00.002-04:00

I have added a spot to the right to add some favorite links. I'm pretty excited about the first one on the list. I JUST discovered it about 10 minutes ago so I have yet to try any recipes...but I'm looking forward to several I saw in my quick visit!!!

CT Awards Night

2009-05-17T08:43:00.026-04:00

We were graciously asked to be a part of the Awards Night at the Community Theater last night. Jeremy performed a musical number and Layla and I presented two awards. She did an excellent job during her stage debut! :-)

How I miss being in shows! The day will come again when I have the time (and energy) to perform on stage. Until then, I am blessed with the opportunity to raise such a beautiful little girl!

Here are a few pics of the night:

Cheesin' for the camera before we left. I ended up changing headbands b/c the red was too bright...it was a cute headband, too :-(

Family picture backstage

Cutie!

Look at those molars!

unsettled

2009-05-06T16:05:00.004-04:00

About 2 weeks ago, Jeremy & I watched Marley & Me for the first time. There was a part of the story that really got to me. **Warning - spoiler alert - skip the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to hear about the movie** I'll get straight to the point...in the movie, Jennifer Aniston's character gets pregnant! At 10 weeks, they go in for their first ultrasound and find there is no heartbeat...the baby has died. Coincidentally, I was also 10 weeks pregnant at the time. We had just had our first visit didn't get to hear the heartbeat like we were hoping for. Not because they couldn't find it, but because they didn't even try. I was already feeling a little uneasy still not hearing the baby's heartbeat - and now I see a movie where they find out there is no heartbeat when the woman is as far along in her pregnancy as me! Fabulous!

We ended up breaking the news to everyone publicly, despite not yet hearing the heartbeat. However, I still have yet to tell my co-workers. Partly because there hasn't been a good chance. But mostly it's because I don't want to have to explain to these people that I barely know that I have had a miscarriage (if that were to even be the case).

I would feel so much more comfortable if I can just hear the heartbeat!

Do you remember Might Molly and her dear parents? They found out about a month before Jeremy & I that they are pregnant again!! It was very exciting news!! They're due date is Oct. 19 and ours is Nov. 18.

I came home today to read this. My heart aches for my dear friend and her husband! I can't fathom the pain they're feeling yet again.

And that is why this particular post has come into being. I was once again reminded of Marley & Me...and it has hit closer to home with a friend. Both stories about as far along as I am now when they were told the news.

All I can do is continue to pray for this little one and his/her little heart (and healthy growth).

To sum it all up, I am now even more unsettled about not yet hearing the baby's heartbeat. I will probably now be waiting until our next appointment (May 21) to break the news to my co-workers. I never dreamed I'd wait that long! But as the date gets closer, it's getting a little easier to do.

I can only hope for a speck of the strength & faith of my dear friend, Becca, if we were to hear the same news...

donuts & aromas

2009-05-03T13:59:00.002-04:00

Two more differences with this pregnancy.

1.) I am accepting a donut on Sundays at church. I never did this with Layla...the entire pregnancy! I know, I surprised myself each Sunday when I politely said "no, thanks" when asked if I wanted a donut. This time around I'm not even waiting to be asked...I just go get one! Yikes! This cannot become a habit the entire pregnancy! I'm already 10-15 pounds heavier than I was with Layla :-/

2.) Aromas affect me more than they did with Layla. I don't recall being bothered by smells. I do think my sense of smell was increased, but that's about all I remember. I definitely have to walk out of a room at times when there is a smell too powerful for me. It has never driven me to get sick...but definitely nauseous.

eventful Saturday

2009-05-02T21:42:00.003-04:00

We had a fun Saturday! It's been quite a while since we actually got out of the house and did something....we're such bums! *We will forget the fact that I was actually supposed to be in Indy today completing my 3rd mini-marathon*

First we ate lunch at Olive Garden. Yummy! Layla did SO well with her eating (by her standards)!! She also sat very nicely in her highchair...something that has not been so pretty in the recent past.

I was then dropped off at Kohl's while Jeremy & Layla went to pay for our storage unit. I found pajamas with feet! It took me forever to find them...I about gave up. They were at the very top in the far corner. It took all I had to simply look for sizes, but we have two new pair.

We then went to the Exotic Feline Rescue Center for the first time. Wow! I will have a post all about this adventure soon. I will quickly say that I am very impressed there is something like this in Indiana...let alone near where I live!

We then went to ISU to recycle...only to discover we were 3 hours past the closing time.

I had Jeremy stop by Wendy's to pick me up a Frosty for my aching throat. I was sorely disappointed! It did not do what I was needing...I felt NOTHING going down my throat. It was as if the Frosty turned to air before it hit my esophagus. I guess next time it's straight ice cream.

Layla crashed and Jeremy & I sat and watched a Redbox movie...gotta love it!

We woke her up for about an hour and a half before actually putting her to bed. During this time, she actually sat down in her highchair (without throwing a fit), ate half a fish "square" and many bites of pudding!! Hallelujah!!!

She's back down for the night, Jeremy's off to school to make lesson plans for Monday as he has been called to jury selection, and I am about to hit the hay and hope to be feeling better in the morning. A bowl of cocoa puffs might be calling my name first, though. :-)

Stay tuned for some fun pictures of some VERY big cats!

***On a side note...I can't believe I still haven't blogged about Layla's first birthday party!!! She's 14 months now...is 2 months past too late to blog? I'll get to it...eventually...

big girl pajamas

2009-05-01T21:25:00.004-04:00

We're putting away the 6-9 month winter pajamas and busting out the new ones! Wait...I'm digging through her tote of 12 month clothes...no pajamas! This is the first time since she's been w/o pajamas from showers, cousins or older "friends."

Off to Wal-Mart I go...

Can you believe there were no 12 month pajamas with feet at Wal-Mart?!?! It must be the season because I KNOW I've seen my niece & nephew in footed (is that a word?) pajamas past the age of one.

Looks like two-piece pajamas are now in our vocabulary.

Check out this big girl in her new pajamas!

Freshly bathed and munchin' on a Scooby Snack

*Disregard the laundry on the couch*

Isn't she just adorable!! She looks so big!

I am a bit worried that her little feet are going to be freezing! My feet are always cold! I should have put socks on her before putting her to bed....wait....we're out of socks that fit comfortably. Looks like we'll be off to Wal-Mart again tomorrow for some "sleeping" socks - may as well get some day socks while we're at it.

For tonight, she might find herself covered in a blanket for the first time. We haven't used any blankets since we stopped swaddling. She honestly rolls around FAR too much for blankets to be of any use. Trial run...unless I get too paranoid about a blanket in her crib before going to bed myself...

eye-opening weekend

2009-04-30T19:53:00.005-04:00

I had a thought today...

Layla used to be an excellent eater. She would tear through baby food like nobody's business. The doctor was quite impressed with how many jars she would eat in a day (despite lack of "normal" weight gain).

She began eating "people" food and did very well with that, too.

Somewhere along the journey, though, she has become a very poor eater.

I have been chalking it up to teething. This could still be the issue as she has seemingly been in a constant state of teething for months on end now. I think we're up to 12, but I have lost count.

However, last weekend I was with some former co-workers and their little girls (1-2 months younger than Layla) and saw just how well they ate. I was quite impressed. They both would open wide any time mom brought a piece of food to their mouths. Not a head shake, not a tight-lipped rejection, not a hand-flapping fit...an immediate positive reaction. It opened my eyes at just how bad Layla's eating habits have become.

Then I started wondering...

Have we created in her an aversion to food because we were feeding her foods with egg in them that made her feel all funny inside?

It has been slightly over a week since she has been on an egg-free diet. We haven't seen an improvement yet. She did eat a little better today. *knock on wood*

I'm not sure how long it takes to rid an element from your body.

She has shown quite a bit more interest in her formula, though. Maybe because this has never made her feel funny??

Maybe it is simply teething and it doesn't bother her like food does.

Maybe we're just destined to have a picky eater on our hands. Lord knows I sure was when I was younger...

Pregnancy talk

2009-04-26T21:33:00.002-04:00

Those of you who read my blog (and there are more than I realized!) should feel lucky...you've known several weeks longer than most other people about my pregnancy. I guess that's a little perk for following my blog :-)

It's late, so I'm going to attempt to make this brief. We'll see how I do. :-)

This pregnancy has been quite different than that first...at least the first trimester. Here's a run-down of the differences so far:

1.) More nausea, less vomiting. I had at least a good month of vomiting with Layla. I feel like it was nearly every day. I've had one day with this little peanut (and I'm not entirely convinced it was pregnancy related, but rather a 24-hour bug of some sort). I do feel actual nausea has been more severe with this pregnancy. I'm not sure which is better...longer-lasting nausea or vomiting every day and getting it over with. I'd simply prefer to have neither.

2.) "Morning" sickness has hit in the evenings the last two weeks or so. Before that it was definitely in the mornings. With Layla it was entirely in the morning. This being nauseous in the evenings isn't quite as strong as when it hits in the mornings, but not fun never-the-less.

3.) Extreme exhaustion. I don't remember being so exhausted with Layla at the end of the day. I think I'm past the worst of it *knock on wood* as I have had a bit more energy the past week or so.

4.) Heartburn. I never experienced heartburn during my entire pregnancy with Layla. In fact, I don't think I've ever had heartburn. There's an old wives tale that says heartburn means a baby with lots of hair. Layla definitely had lots of hair at birth, so I have busted that myth. I wouldn't say it's severe heartburn, just an annoying ache of sorts. I can't really describe it. I've had it maybe 5 times thus far. From what I remember reading my first pregnancy (because I'm definitely not engrossed in literature on the subject this go-around), this is one symptom that isn't typically experienced in a single trimester, but the entire pregnancy. I'm going to hope this isn't the case for me. :-)

5.) Cramping. I had two days (not in a row) where I was fairly crampy. It actually made me a bit nervous. The last incident has been maybe 2 weeks ago now, so it apparently was nothing bad. Regardless, I hope to not experience it again.

There might be one or two more differences that I can't think of at the moment. I'll be sure to blog if I think of any I missed...or if more should arise.

In no way am I implying that this means I'm pregnant with a boy. In fact, I have no "feelings" on whether it's a boy or girl. I'm not even sure which I would prefer...but this topic is for another post.

I am chalking up the differences to the fact that I am teaching full-time with this pregnancy and I was only working in the afternoons during the first trimester with Layla. Actually, I wasn't working at all for the first half of the first trimester (summer break). I had the "opportunity" to get sick with Layla. I had the mornings to just lay* around on the couch. Therefore, I wasn't so exhausted, either.

The fact that I have approx. 10-15 more pounds on me than I did at this time with Layla's pregnancy is probably playing a role in the differences, too. However, I am DETERMINED to be more active during this pregnancy than the last. Having a little one already will most likely help...and the fact that I won't be suffering from first-trimester woes during the summer should also help.

In case you're wondering, we will again be finding out the sex of this baby and will let you know when we find out.

*I'm not afraid to admit that I had to look up online to make sure I was correct in using lay instead of lie. English teachers are allowed to use their resources, too. :-)

New diet

2009-04-23T11:02:00.002-04:00

We have an appointment with an allergist here in Terre Haute next month. Until then, we're on an egg-free diet. Joy of joys!

I found some things to use instead of egg (baking powder, water, vinegar). I'm interested to see how things turn out using this method.

I'm also interested to see how things improve over the course of the next month...hopefully the scratching, runny nose, coughing all disappear!

As we suspected

2009-04-18T11:19:00.002-04:00

Layla has an egg-white allergy. She's on the low end of moderate on the scale. We are now waiting to hear back from the actual doctor early next week for "recommendations." I'm not really sure what that means. The nurse did mention that they typically refer patients to allergists when a test comes back positive. Hopefully we can see one in Terre Haute if that is the case.

Although we know for sure that she does have an egg allergy, at this point we don't really know what that entails. We have a lot of questions now, more so than we did before we were certain of an allergy.

Can we continue giving her foods that have eggs cooked/baked in them?
Is there a possibility of her moving up the scale and her allergy worsening?
Is this something she will out-grow?
Will we know if this is the cause of her scratching?
Are her respiratory issues at all affected by this*?

I'm sure the answer to some of these questions will simply be by trial-and-error. Eliminate all egg-containing foods for a certain period of time and see if anything improves. I think we're in for a fun little summer if this is the case.

As we hear more, I'll be sure to post.

*Yesterday was the last day of treatment with her breathing machine. If you remember, the doctor was treating her for asthma without actually diagnosing her with it. However, as I'm typing I'm listening to her cough during her nap which I haven't heard in a while. Should I still continue her treatments each morning? Ugh!

Anxiously waiting

2009-04-14T11:12:00.002-04:00

I am definitely wanting to hear the results of her allergy test. I definitely DON'T want her to have any allergies to food. However, it will ease my mind a bit as to why she is constantly scratching herself. It almost seems to be a habit. She constantly scratches the same spot over and over until she's red & raw. :-( The location of scratching lately has been her lower back. Before that it was the back of her neck/upper back. She would always have scratches on the top of her back that looked awful. At least now her location of choice is usually covered with a layer of clothing to prevent too much damage. But as soon as her clothes come off for a diaper change her hands go immediately to her back and begin scratching away! If she's wearing just a shirt instead of a onesie, she can easily lift it up and begin scratching. I feel so bad for her.

If tests come back positive, I really hope a change in her diet changes her compulsive scratching.

If tets come back negative, I'm not sure what to do about the situation.

"No!"

2009-04-13T20:46:00.002-04:00

Apparently "no" is quite amusing for Layla. She definitely knows what the word means. However, it somehow evokes a feeling of joy in her when we say it. She thinks it's fun (a game?) when we pull her away from whatever she's doing. This can be quite frustrating.

Tonight there was an incident that actually lead me to tears...tears of laughter. You see, she's gotten into a bad habit of "beating" items on our entertainment center. The "beating" usually occurs on the glass door. Definitely not good. Items of choice are typically a remote or her sippy cup (which has lead to some nice opaque streams down the glass). We tell her "no" and she usually smiles/smirks/laughs and continues until we pull her away. She thinks this is fun and most likely will walk right back.

Might I add that every time she is hitting the door...she's looking at us as she's approaching with her hand in the air...she's looking at us the entire time she's hitting...and she's smiling at us when we say "no"...and on and on it goes.

However, tonight she did something slightly different. As always, she walked up to the entertainment center (watching us the entire time) and began smacking her sippy cup against the door. We said "no" several times to no avail. Jeremy stood up to take the sippy from her and she immediately stopped and brought the cup down into both hands. Jeremy sat back down, Layla began hitting the door. We said "no" and she continued. Jeremy stood up and she immediately brought the cup down into both hands...as if to say "I stopped." Jeremy sat back down and Layla started hitting again. Jeremy stood up and Layla pulled her sippy back down. At this point "no" was out of the rotation because we were too busy trying to stifle our laughter. I don't know how many times we watched this routine...enough for me to spout out "we should be videoing this!" through my laughter and tears.

Oh my. Parenthood has begun full-swing!

What do you do with a 1-year-old to stop a behavior that's inappropriate? "No" isn't enough...removing her from the location doesn't work as she simply walks right back. Time-out is too advanced. Flicking of the hand sometimes gets her upset and other times not...but I don't know if she's truly recognizing that the flicking happens b/c of her actions. I can sit and read a book with her or try and distract her with another toy, but how will she learn that her previous actions were wrong?? Ugh!

**At some point I'm sure I'll be writing a post with the same subject line...only the discussion will be about my frustrations with her constantly saying "no." I can definitely wait for that one...

T.V.

2009-04-11T08:17:00.002-04:00

Layla does not really watch TV. It's on (FAR too much!) but she is content playing around the living room with whatever she can get her little hands on.

Yesterday the midday news had a man from the Humane Society there with this adorable puppy that needed a home. I pointed to the TV and said "dog". Layla looked up and got so excited she started dancing!! It was too cute!

Apparently this morning (while my loving husband let me sleep), Layla was being a bit difficult and not wanting much to do with anything. He was flipping through the channels and found a Best in Show dog show. She watched it! I came out into the living room and relieved him. Much to my surprise, she just sat on my lap and watched...she NEVER does that! She loves dogs :-)

**On a side note** I'm surprised every day by what she knows. She knows a couple of signs (which we haven't taught her), says several words (or first syllable of words), and will have a floor full of toys and pick out things that you ask (i.e. ball, duck, shoe). I know this is probably age appropriate...but it seriously seems like yesterday that she didn't know anything. When did she get so smart?!?!?!

Indy update

2009-04-09T11:14:00.003-04:00

We went back to Indy Monday to see Layla's GI doctor. She's back on the growth chart!! No tests were run! We have another follow-up in 3 months. However, if we feel she's doing fine, we can cancel.

On a side note, they ended up testing her for food allergies. We had to get her blood drawn and have another week or so of waiting to hear the results. This blood drawing experience was MUCH better than our first on here in Terre Haute. I think there were a lot of factors into why - at a Children's hospital, Layla was tired, I knew how to hold her - I think the fact that it was a lady who only deals with children helped a lot.

The reason for the test came because of a quick question the nurse practitioner (apparently Layla's first doctor up and moved to Canada!) asked at the end of the visit asking if we've had any issues with food. We gave Layla some scrambled eggs about a month ago and her lip swelled in the middle, she had some splotches on her face and later her eyes became very red and itchy. We gave her some Children's Benadryl and all was fine. The nurse seemed pretty concerned that her lip actually swelled the first time and thinks that maybe some of the respiratory issues we've had could be tied to food allergies. She tolerates foods with eggs baked in them. Or at least we think she does. Maybe her seemingly constant runny nose has something to do with that. We're currently just waiting.

Although we haven't enjoyed needing to go to Indy - it has now given us 2 opportunities to eat at Chick-fil-A :-)

Merit Pay

2009-03-11T22:31:00.002-04:00

I'm going to get on my soap box, but make it brief. I think it's ridiculous to think about merit pay for teachers based on their students' performances on standardized tests! I know, I know, you expect me to be accountable for my students...and I am. But to base my excellence on another human's ability to perform under the stress/pressure that comes with tests like that is ludicrous! Let's not even factor in all the possible scenarios that enter the classroom with the student....hunger from not eating since lunch the previous day, weariness from lack of sleep b/c of awful home environments, worry/fear of what awaits them at home, hormonal anger that is blocking clear thoughts from the brain, hormonal anything, test-taking "freeze", undiagnosed learning disorders, any learning disorder, lack of parental involvement/support, etc. etc. etc.

I am by no means making excuses...I am accountable for what my students learn. I work hard every day. But the fact of the matter is, no matter what I do, how hard I try, what changes I make, there are students who simply won't pass b/c of their attitude or lack of knowledge (for various factors).

If I could allow you to teach in my classroom (or any classroom) for a span of a couple of months, I would be more than happy to do so! Maybe then you might begin to understand why teachers should not be held accountable solely on achievement of standardized tests!

Thank you. :-)

Refreshing

2009-03-07T15:56:00.002-05:00

I have been loving having the windows open the past 2 days! Fresh air flowing through the house after months and months of stagnant air is so refreshing!

It's got me thinking...is there anywhere in the country that has 70-80 degree weather all year???? Wouldn't that be beyond fabulous! No need for air conditioning, no need for heat. A breeze blowing through your house on any given day. Ahhh...lovely!

Of course, I would miss the snowball and hot, pool-splashing weather...but that's what a car is for. :-)

1-year appointment

2009-03-06T22:36:00.003-05:00

Jeremy took Layla to her 1-year appointment today. Our goal weight was 18lbs. That would keep us on track with what the specialist is wanting to see.

Head - 44 cm (if I remember correctly)

Height - 27 1/4 in. (not a lot of growth here...actually, according to the measurements at the specialist's a month ago she has lost 3/4in. in height...something's not correct b/c I'm positive she isn't shrinking!)

Weight - 17lbs 4.8 oz! Ugh!

The doctor liked the gain on paper (this is the most she has gained in quite some time), but does not like the fact that Layla's not catching up the way she should be. So we now have a new "recipe" for mixing her formula. Which...apparently she's not doing as well with the sippy cup as we thought.

We have nothing to base our assumptions on as far as how much she should be drinking as we've strictly nursed up until a month ago. She has really been guzzling it down each day. Or so we thought. I guess the doctor was surprised that she's only drinking 12-15oz. a day. Jeremy didn't think to ask how much she should be drinking. I will probably be calling in to the office early next week.

She only gets about one 5-6oz. cup down at daycare and then she drinks another 6-10oz. at home. We try to give her some in the morning before we leave, but it's never much. I feel like all she does is drink or eat when she's home so I'm not really sure what else to do. I do know that she (for some reason) doesn't seem to drink as much at daycare as she does on the weekends. I have a guess that it's because she eats drier foods here. However, she just started her big girl meal plan at daycare so I'm hoping we start seeing an improvement in her drinking (although there wasn't a huge one this week).

Regardless, I can definitely tell her legs have thickened up. Maybe she just needed an adjustment period and will now really pack on the weight. I hope so because if she isn't 20lbs by April 6 the specialist is going to see about running some tests. :-(

Normalcy returning

2009-03-06T22:35:00.000-05:00

Things are returning to normal in the chest area...finally!

Cold Turkey

2009-03-04T19:32:00.008-05:00

Layla and I have gone cold turkey with nursing. I know it sounds harsh, but we were only on 2 nursings a day anyway (morning and night) and I haven't felt like those have been hugely successful as of late. A few days before her first birthday I really started thinking that I was ready to be done with nursing. I decided that her last day as an "infant" (a.k.a. under one) would be the last day of nursing.

Sunday came and I informed Layla that it would be her last day :-)

Monday came and there were no issues skipping the morning nursing. I took the day off and it was easy to just wake up and put her in the high chair to feed her breakfast with a sippy cup.

Monday evening came and I was really just wanting that time with her to "snuggle." I didn't realize that I would miss the physical contact like that. She never stops moving, and that has been the only time she would let me hold her in a snuggly position while still awake. Lately, though, even that was a struggle (which is why I knew we were both ready).

However, I caved to my desires and we nursed the evening of her birthday. I figured it wasn't bad...a little birthday treat. :-)

Tuesday morning was nice because I could get myself ready for work and didn't have to set aside time for nursing.

Tuesday evening I was feeling the desire to nurse again. I then started wondering what our evening routine was going to look like from here on out. Before, she would eat dinner, bathe if necessary, get into pajamas, sit on the couch with mommy & nurse, go into her room and listen to a bit of music as I held her and she calmed down even more to rest her head on my shoulder, and then put her in her crib to allow herself to fall asleep. Nursing was such an integral part of that routine. I wasn't sure how I could go from pajamas to bed with no transition. Then it came to me...

READ!

So we sat on a chair in her room and read a book together a few times over. I wasn't sure if this was the best transitional method because she was seemingly excited about the book and not relaxing as I had hoped. But I kept going, thinking the newness would wear off and over time she would eventually learn that this was quiet time.

We went to bed with no problems like usual!

Today I have felt "fuller" than I have in quite some time. The nagging thought of nursing at night was with me all day. But a part of me knew that once I sat down to nurse, I would once again be thinking how it's time to quit or wonder how I would ever transition if I couldn't do it now. So I pushed through.

Reading tonight was not quite as successful. She cried very heavily for a while as I held her in my lap to read - I think she wanted to play with the stuffed animals around the chair. Those will be removed tomorrow. :-)

While we were reading and she was crying, I noticed I started leaking!!!! I can't even remember the last time I leaked! Just another little thing to push me back to thinking of nursing at night only.

She finally calmed and started playing with and talking to the book again.

I stood up to sway to the music with her and she was crying yet again. I began leaking yet again. Ugh! I finally just laid her down in the crib and left.

She is currently crying/staying awake longer than she has in quite some time.

Her fighting to relax and me putting her in the crib before she rests her head on my shoulders isn't new...but all this crying tonight really makes me wonder...does she miss the nursing or is this just an off night???

Needless to say, I haven't caved since Monday evening. I'm sure that my milk production will end soon. Which leads to another question lingering around in my head...do I simply just stop and "dry out" or is there another method?

I sure hope there is no leakage tomorrow at work...I gave my sister all my bra pads!

I've never really had an addiction to anything, but I think I can now sympathize (on a much smaller scale) with those trying to fight one. I'm sure the thoughts/desires to nurse will increase over the next day or so. Hopefully once my supply decreases, and Layla and I get used to the new routine, my urges to nurse will also decrease.

I do wonder if I should have even stopped...I never told myself I was quitting at a year, never had a deadline, I just new I wanted to make it to at least a year. It just turned out that I really started thinking "I'm done" right around her first birthday. I do think we were both ready...but now I'm not so sure.

Okay...there's the "addiction" talking. I think we'll both be just fine :-)

**I'll post about her first birthday in the near future.

Old MySpace blogs

2009-02-12T21:08:00.004-05:00

I'm getting rid of my MySpace account so I thought I'd transfer over my old blogs. I didn't do much blogging, but if I ever get sentimental I thought it'd be nice to have them.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Any day now!
Current mood: anxious

I realize I haven't blogged in quite some time. A lot has changed since my last blog...mainly being my pregnant belly! I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant!

As of week 38, baby Johnson was 8lbs! Based on averages (I'm assuming), her head measured at 38 weeks 1 day, stomach at 38 weeks 5 days, and femur at 39 weeks. Does this mean she's going to have long legs and a small head? If so, she's the opposite of me! haha.

I'm very excited to see what she looks like! Will she have lots of hair at birth? What color will her hair turn out to be? Will her eyes be blue like mine or hazel like Jeremy's...or will they be another color? Whose nose will she have?

All I can say is that I'm definitely done with being pregnant! Although, looking back, I haven't had a terrible pregnancy. I've never suffered from a lot of the ugly symptoms people warned me about (i.e. heart burn & constipation). I did have morning sickness for about 8 weeks which was definitely not fun. I had a couple of days where I couldn't keep down any food!

I did have a little scare before Thanksgiving and ended up in the hospital for 2 days. But since then I have been just fine!

I've never had "cravings" and I've never needed to eat "RIGHT NOW!"

In October I was told by someone "you sure are getting big for having such a long way to go!" Now all I seem to hear is "you sure don't look that big!" Will people make up their minds! I know that I feel big...and am running into the problem of not having much to wear b/c I'm too big...even for some of my pregnancy clothes. And I'm sure not going out to buy more for a few weeks!

My biggest complaint about pregnancy is the excruciating hip pain I have experienced at night for about 3 months now. This is one problem no one ever warned me about. Some nights are worse than others. Both legs will be in lots of pain (hips to ankles) and it will sometimes linger through midday...causing limping. I expected hip pain during the day b/c of the added weight & pressure on my hips when standing/working...but this night time pain really took me by surprise. It's frustrating because you expect to not sleep when the baby arrives...but I was hoping to get sleep before the big day. I guess I'm being prepared for what is to come in the way of sleepless nights.

It's weird to feel something moving around inside you. I just can't describe it! And it's even weirder to think about how I've become so used to the feelings. It's also interesting to think about how the moving has changed as she has gotten bigger and had less & less room to move around in. It's now more of a "rolling" feeling rather than a "kicking" feeling. Although every now and then she gets a good one in!

Putting it all in perspective, it has really been an amazing experience being pregnant.

It's fascinating how life begins!

Friday, May 11, 2007

super klutz 3

it's late, so i won't go into the long version...

i was in the hotel shower the night before the Indianapolis Mini Marathon...shaving...when all of a sudden...WHAM!! my right foot slipped back & slammed into the drain plug. OUCH!!! of course i also fell half out of the tub & jeremy came running in to find out what had happened. anyway...my foot was in some serious pain and i could only think about how this couldn't possibly be happening the night before i am to walk/run 13.1 miles! i get out...send my wonderful husband to the ice machine...ice it...try to walk...pain...bear through it and put my shoes on to do a couple of "practice laps" in the hallway of the hotel...pain. go back & continue to ice it. bump on arch of foot. pain. sleep. nice bruise in morning. determined to continue with mini. excitement of race & 35,000 people & goal to finish faster than last year slowly got my mind off the foot problem. or maybe it was the pain in the rest of my body that soon overpowered the pain in my foot....

a week later and the bruise is gone...but some pain still remains. especially when i'm walking out to my car and a rock hits the sole of my shoe exactly at my arch in just the right position...which happens more frequently than you would think. and then i have to do this funky little jig with my feet to quickly remedy the placement of my foot.

this is just another moment in the life of jessica leading to a daily reminder of who she is destined to be. **cue theme music** Super Klutz!

seriously...will the insanity of my klutziness ever end!!!

is klutziness even a word???

*so this ended up being a rather lengthy version anyway. my apologizes.*

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

ramblings of a tired girl

I am tired...I am sick of working on my house...I just want to go to bed...yet I can't seem to pull myself away from the computer. Something is wrong here. I feel like I'm back in college again. It's a strange sensation. And as I think about it, I realize it's the sensation of my bed calling my name...but me refusing to go to bed b/c I know the work that is in store for me tomorrow and I somehow think (in some deep corner of my mind) that if I don't go to bed I can avoid the work. I think it's the sleepyness talking. Or maybe it's the idea that I don't get to sit and just do nothing anymore...at least not at the computer...and there is some sort of addiction I once had and my body is remembering what it felt like to sit and stare at a computer when you're body is so tired the body is going faster than the process of thinking. Does that make sense to you? Have you ever had that feeling...where you're wondering how things can feel so slow...no...that's not it. It's the feeling of wondering how you're still typing so fast and things are still going on around you...but you're mind seems to be moving so slow...and you're somewhat in a daze...and trying to figure out if this reality is really happening to you.

Okay...I'm seriously done for the night. My rambling of nothingness has gone on far too long.

Adieu.

**i just noticed the time...the only difference between this feeling i have now and what i had in college is about 2-3 hours.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

super klutz 2
Current mood: lethargic
Category: Blogging

okay...if you weren't quite sure before if i was the biggest klutz in town, get this...

two days ago i am at a hostess's house getting things set up for her tastefully simple party. i am walking down stairs with a full crate in my hands (with several ceramics in it i might add)...when i miscalculated which step was the actual last step...and fell down. BUT...knowing i had a quite an armful that i couldn't just let fly...i sacrificed my knee. i do think it looked rather graceful, though. as graceful as a fall down the stairs with an armful can look. might i add that the hostess was there the entire time. yeah, quite embarrassing. but, hey, that's the story of my life. oh...and i almost fell again during the party. my pants, that i've needed hemmed for quite some time, got caught under my shoes...luckily my display table was there to catch my fall.

THEN....that's right...the day's not over. I was walking to bed that night and jeremy, who always turns my lamp on so i can see, turned off all the lights. i couldn't see a thing. and before i knew it, i ran right into the frame of the door into our bedroom. my toes hurt b/c i had apparently stubbed them. and the bottom of my foot stung a little. but not enough to think much about. i just shrugged it off as another clumsy moment and crawled into bed. but as i laid there, i realized that the bottom of my foot stung a little more than i thought. so i reached down to rub it, and felt a little stickiness. i turned on my lamp and, sure enough, there was blood. i had a pretty nice gash in the bottom of my foot. you see, old carpet had been pulled up in the house, but one small section of nails had been left right next to the door frame...one of those, "we'll get to it later" things. who walks pressed against the door frame anyway?? apparently ME!

once i realized what caused the slice in my foot, my immediate thought was tetannus. the jury's still out on that, but i'm sure i'm fine. i've been keeping it pretty clean with hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol & neosporin...oh...and of course...band-aid.

"I'm stuck on band-aid brand, 'cause band-aid's stuck on me!"

Saturday, February 24, 2007

super klutz
Current mood: sore

Well, I believe I am officially the biggest klutz in the Terre Haute area. Yesterday I was running late to work. I ran into a gas station to grab my breakfast of chocolate milk and a poptart. I parked in a different spot than normal b/c I was late and needed a closer spot. I got out of my car and began speed walking it to the door. Well...I only managed to get about 10 feet from my car when I suddenly realized my feet were flying out from under me, I was in the air, and falling back down while my poptart was becoming no longer edible. I landed HARD on my left elbow/forearm and rear. You know when you're about to get into a wreck and everything seems to go in slow motion? That didn't really happen to me, but my sense of my surroundings became very prominent during my fall. I saw my legs & arms flailing, 2 people across the parking lot, a school bus and lots of cars. The instant I hit ground I knew I must immediately get up so as not to be looked upon by everyone...although I don't know how they could have missed such a spectacle. I grabbed what was left of my poptart, jammed it into my coat pocket, and tried to walk away as if nothing had happened. Well bless her little heart, a student of about 4th or 5th grade, walked towards me and asked if I needed any help. To be honest, I could have used some major pain killers, but I smiled and forced out a laugh and said no, but thanks for asking...and went on to inform her that it was more embarassing than anything. I continued to walk into the school trying to look as if nothing had just happened. By the way, the 2nd person I saw mid-fall was some adult (not with the child) who didn't bother to even ask if I was okay. Just goes to show how wonderful children are compared to us adults.

I did manage to turn around and look at the sidewalk where I had slipped to see what had caused my misfortune. There wasn't really anything there...except a thin layer of ice that could only be seen if you were looking for it. Stupid snow melting every day and freezing every night!

I banged up my elbow pretty good as well as knock my back out of whack a little. I sent a student down to the nurse for some ice and I was told I needed to go down at some point in the day to fill out a report. I ended up going to the occupational health place that I was informed to go to for workman's comp reasons. They did an x-ray of my elbow/forearm and it came back clear. Thank goodness! I'm just stuck with a massive bump and a super sensitive arm. My time in that place was not pleasant, the doctor was unfriendly and uncaring...but that's a whole other story.

This comes after a week or so after, what I believe, is a re-break in my pinky toe on my left foot.

Just a couple of weeks before that I dropped a body wash bottle on my right foot while in the shower. It fell directly on the thinnest (and probably most sensitive) part of the foot...the exact part I broke in 6th grade b/c I was afraid of the dark. Again, another story. I'm pretty good at not crying when I am exposed to pain...but this incident immediately brought tears to my eyes.

And a couple of months before that I fell down the basement stairs. That was scary! I truly thought I was going to be stuck down there for hours until Jeremy came home. I was in so much pain I thought I had done something severe to my back. I forced myself to crawl up the stairs so I could be near a phone and I just laid on the living room floor for qutie some time waiting for the pain to localize (I might as well add I was crying the entire time...near to hyperventilating b/c I was so scared). The pain ended up localizing around my left butt cheek and a little in my lower back. Once I had calmed down, I got up to check out the damage and saw a massive bruise on nearly my entire cheek. I put ice on the affected area and laid down a little while longer. I ended up having the ugliest, largest bruise I have ever seen...and it was quite uncomfortable to sit for several days. This incident also spawned my going to the chiropractor to get my back all aligned.

****I might as well add that I walked out of school 7.5 hours after my unfortunate fall...only to see my cell phone on the sidewalk!!!! My bright pink cell phone was a huge contrast to the sidewalk and white snow. I literally gasped out loud when I saw it there. I was amazed that it hadn't been taken by some passerby or a student after school. It was just lying there in the open saying "hey, take me!" I picked it up and realized water was underneath it...because that ice I slipped on in the morning was now melted and the snow in the grass was melting and flowing to the street. So far my phone is fine...I took off the back and let it dry out.

Stupid snow melting every day and freezing every night!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Peanut butter scare

okay...i'm selling out a little on my blogging and just copying & pasting my "note" from facebook to put on myspace. but here it is...

let me just say...i will forever be addicted to peanut butter and love every ounce of every jar i ever buy...as long as it's Reduced Fat Creamy Jiff.

as far as this new peanut butter scare...may i first say, to all you "un-choosy" people out there who pick *gag* Peter Pan...or even worse, Great Value...maybe you just had it comin'. no...i'm not that harsh. but maybe this recall will allow you to finally come around to the bliss that is Jiff.

Ways to use your peanut butter: ***more ideas welcome***

1.) peanut butter sucker (p.b. on a spoon)
2.) peanut butter on pretzels
3.) peanut butter on Graham crackers
4.) peanut butter on Graham crackers w/ chocolate frosting
5.) peanut butter on banana
6.) peanut butter mixed w/ cheerios & honey
7.) peanut butter toast...drizzled with honey
8.) girlled peanut butter sandwich...honey not jelly...p.b. melts...divine!
9.) peanut butter on apple
10.) peanut butter in puppy chow
11.) peanut butter in no-bakes
12.) peanut butter & honey wrapped in tortila...warm in oven for greater results
13.) peanut butter on pancakes
14.) peanut butter icing (homemade) on zucchini brownies
15.) peanut butter on oreos...not peanut butter filled oreos
16.) peanut butter on Twisty Grahams
17.) peanut butter on celery sticks
18.) peanut butter on s'mores-aka "El-s'mores"...camping will never be the same
19.) peanut butter on ice cream...warmed & drizzled
20.) peanut butter on waffles

21.) to get gum out of hair
22.) help kids take their medicine
23.) help dogs take medicine
24.) make horses "talk"
25.) to put on mouse traps

Sunday, December 17, 2006

ozzie
Current mood:bummed

i am disheartened with the fact that Ozzie did not win Survivor this season. he was clearly the ultimate survivor...providing tons of food for everyone (an octopus-on 2 different occasions!...climbing trees for coconuts...spearing fish) and lets not forget that he won competitions left & right. and i do believe he played the game morally as clean as i've ever seen anyone play (at least since Colby from Outback). he didn't stab anyone in the back or flip sides...at least from what i can remember. but NO....he had to lose the million by one measely vote...to a stinkin' lawyer!! and can i just say...had the game been played as it has for 12 previous seasons where the winner of the final immunity challenge picks who he/she takes to the final two...i believe he would have won. oeuradslkfja;dslfqwieur! at least he won the mercury mariner at the reunion.

***on a side note...did anyone find that Ozzie showed a stricking resemblence to Joey Lawrence during the reunion show????? the 19-year old Blossom version of Joey that is..."whoa!"

Thursday, December 07, 2006

House woes

We are currently starting on getting our house all fixed up & ready to put on the market. It's amazing how many things pop out at you when you're wanting to sell your house. There is so much we have to work on & finish. Our bathroom remodeling needs to be completed, paint needs touching up, problems with leaky ceilings need to be patched & painted, cabinets need cleaned & painted, floors cleaned, bulbs replaced, junk & clutter packed (or thrown) away, furniture rearranged or put into storage, house powerwashed, yard work, clean out the basement, clean the garage, etc. etc.

If you have sold your home before, I would love some advice on what to put more energy in and what not to waste my time on. This is the first time I've done this and know I have lots to learn. We are hoping to have our realtor come by within the next week or so and do a quick estimate and run through to see what needs to be done. We'd LOVE to have it ready to put up on the market the first of the year...but there's a TON that needs to be done and I'm just not sure there's enough time for that to happen. I'll keep you posted.

ye of little faith

2009-01-27T18:43:00.003-05:00

Layla just drank an entire sippy cup of formula!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's never even done this with her diluted juice! The way things started at lunch, I thought for sure it was a failed effort. Boy, was I wrong! I am so proud of my big girl!! Half an ounce a day - here we come!!

increase calories

2009-01-27T16:32:00.003-05:00

We met with the pediatric GI specialist today. Basically, her "weight" age is 6.5 months. Her weight/height ratio puts her at about the 1-2 percentile. However, she doesn't "look" malnourished or anything. After conversing with the doctor, and he hearing how she has simply refused the bottle, he believes the issue is more of an input problem than anything else. We're looking at more of a "psychological" issue. The doctor feels pretty confident that she can start gaining weight again and we're shooting for at least half an ounce a day.

He gave us several samples of some soy formulas and a recipe to make the water/formula mixture more dense to allow for more calories per drink. I'm still not confident that she will drink the formula from a sippy cup, though. She has been doing MUCH better with the sippy cup with water/juice...but we were told no more juice!

We were also told not to introduce her to whole milk until around 16-18 months. He said milk is not simply an allergy problem...something about the way the fat/calories/etc. are combined isn't adequate for growing infants. Since she is behind in her growth, we need to wait until she is more like an "average" one year old before starting her on whole milk.

We tried the formula today in the sippy cup and she isn't "chugging" it like she was with the diluted juice. Now this might be partial in part because we added the plug...we started that over the weekend. But I can definitely tell she's not as interested in sipping on it like she was. Hopefully that gets better. Until then, we're going to randomly give her an ounce via syringe throughout the day.

One interesting thing the doctor suggested was to add a teaspoon (maybe tablespoon??) of melted butter to her foods. So we will be starting that.

I'm on a mission to find some healthy ways to increase her calorie intake throughout the day. Here is a list I have compiled from friends & the internet. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Pastina (or ditalini) with butter (or cream cheese) and grated cheese
Boiled mashed potatoes with butter (or cream cheese) and cheese
Grilled cheese (coating bread with a healthy dose of butter)
Avocados - mashed - can add cream cheese
Whole Milk Yogurt mixed w/fruit (we have tried this before plain as a drink...she did NOT like it)
Cheese - Cheddar, Colby, Jack, American - we have already been doing this but will definitely increase

We have an appointment in 2 months to see how she is improving (hopefully). If not, he'll probably want tests done. However, he seemed very confident that this will work. We'll continue to pray.

appointments

2009-01-15T19:26:00.003-05:00

1 - I meet with my doctor tomorrow to discuss the issue of a VBAC - I'm not holding my breath. I'll keep you updated on his thoughts/comments/etc.

2 - Layla has an appointment to meet with a pediatric GI specialist in Indy on the 27th. Her doctor said not to worry - most babies with GI issues have diarrhea and/or vomiting. She just doesn't want to miss anything. I'm glad she said that because it really puts me at ease. I like to know that we have a doctor who's willing to rule out everything and not just assume. Again, I'll keep you updated.

pendulum swing

2009-01-13T19:29:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling oddly okay with having another c-section. Let me not dwell on the issue...

When it Rains, it Pours

2009-01-10T16:42:00.006-05:00

Not that anything I'm about to mention is extremely drastic (at least at this moment), but it all came within 30-45 minutes and I was overwhelmed.

First - Layla lost a couple of ounces. I had just let go of worrying about her weight. I was confident everything was fine. She ate like a pig over break! I also know that she is very happy & active. I was okay with "petite" being normal for her. However, I was not at all prepared for a loss! In fact, we had an actual appointment scheduled with the doctor on Wednesday that we cancelled b/c we thought everything was fine. Don't worry...the doctor gave us permission to cancel a few weeks ago when we went in for her fever and she had gained a few ounces. Therefore, the doctors weren't there when we went in. The nurse informed us they would have to let the doctor know of the loss (I knew they would). I'm now waiting for the phone call to see what happens from here...

Second - Without going into details, moving to find teaching jobs elsewhere is apparently not even an option (near or distant future).

Third - This one was the kicker. I was composed for the aforementioned news...this one set me over. I received an email from a doula here in Indiana stating that it's hard to find a hospital that allows you to try a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Let me start by stating that I am not pregnant. :-) Jeremy and I are thinking about trying again very soon, though. Let me create a timeline. A few weeks ago I sent an email out to several local doulas asking what they do and told them about my experience with Layla's birth. On Monday I called to ask my doctor if he allows VBACs. I left a message at the nurses' station and they returned with a message stating that he really doesn't. In the two years this particular nurse has worked with him, she's only known him to do one. I have a consultation with him Wednesday to discuss the issue. The email from the doula caused me to lose almost all hope. I could write a 3-page essay on my thoughts/reasons for trying a VBAC - I will attempt to summarize in several statements/questions. These were running amok in my head for about a month or two after having Layla and only pop up every so often. They have recently resurfaced and seem to be lingering quite a bit more. I understand that most of these statements and questions are "what ifs" and I can't change what happened...but I can't hide the fact that they're playing a huge role in my emotional state.
* I'm upset with myself for deciding on an induction
* I'm upset that I didn't ask more questions before hand
* Why did my water have to be broken so soon after starting pitocin?
* Why didn't I speak up and ask when I knew that was about to happen even though the questions were running through my head?
* I'm frustrated at the hospital for not letting me walk around during labor
* I repeat, I'm very upset (and was at the time!) that I couldn't walk around - other hospitals allow walking even though the woman is on a pitocin drip
* Was it ABSOLUTELY necessary to not wait any longer and a c-section was now the only option?
* I regret not getting a second opinion about my "narrow pelvic bone"
* Why did I only just find out about this "problem" 30 weeks into my pregnancy?

Here are my hopes:
* I find a doctor who will let me attempt a VBAC
* I don't fall to the pressures of being induced - I have already told Jeremy to not let me (despite how uncomfortable I may be)
- If it's medically necessary, that's another story
* I have an active labor (walking, etc.)
* I find a hospital that will let me try (I am willing to drive to Indy if necessary...does that sound ridiculous?)

-My aunt had a VBAC 14 years ago! Her c-section was due to her first being a "footling" which is a different circumstance than me, but surely someone will let me try.

I feel as though I was robbed of one of the most beautiful experiences a woman can have. I just want the opportunity to try. I've read the pros & cons. If I do have the opportunity to try...and it turns out that the next baby is absolutely stuck and can't make it through, and a c-section is necessary, I will be okay with that. I won't be happy, but I will be okay. If I'm told I can never try...there will be all these regrets floating around in my head that I'd rather not have. Up until this moment, I can't recall a single regret. I know I will just always wonder what would have happened if I would have done a little more on my part before, spoke up, etc.

Daycare Reflections

2008-12-26T18:56:00.003-05:00

I should technically title this "Childcare" Reflections since they're taking care of the child, not the day...but I've grown up calling it daycare and I'm sure I always will.

All mothers, moms-to-be, and future mothers - Please read!! You are my target audience for this particular blog. I'd love to hear your comments, thoughts, reflections, etc. as they apply to you and your current/past/future situation.

I've not had a chance to blog about my reflections on sending Layla to daycare and I figured now is an appropriate time to do so as the calendar year is coming to an end. If you've read my past posts about my thoughts/fears/reluctance to head back to work and send Layla to a daycare, it might be interesting for you to read to gain a better understanding of exactly how/what I was feeling. They're found in my posts during July & August.

To put it in a nutshell, I was one huge, emotional basket-case for about a month leading up to Layla's first day at Little Hands. Oddly enough, on that first day, I didn't shed a single tear. It didn't rip me up inside to let her go. I did call once to check up on her, and that was it. I was completely surprised by how I handled the whole situation once it finally arrived.

Four months later, I absolutely LOVE that she's attending daycare!

These thoughts have become more apparent/vivid this past week as I had it off work and was able to spend every moment with Layla. It sounds a little ironic, I know.

It could just be a stage Layla is in, but I truly believe she is simply bored at home with just us and her few toys (yay for Christmas gifts!!). She's very whiny and clingy. If I'm not physically in the room with her, crying ensues! Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and at times enjoy the clinginess...but my goodness! I can't get anything done! I don't know if I could handle that every day :-)

She 100% knows who mommy & daddy are. She knows when she's home and when she's somewhere else. She always has. Daycare has not prevented/hindered any relationship between us.

I've watched her with her cousins as we're at all our holiday get-togethers and am amazed at how much she enjoys watching & playing with them. It gives me great joy to know that she gets to have that much fun every day with all the kids who attend Little Hands.

I know that she saves all her "firsts" for home based on conversations with the ladies at the daycare. I remember them being so impressed one day on how well she was pulling herself up and I thought to myself "she's been doing that for a week or two now." When Layla begins saying a new word, it seems they have never heard her say it when I mention it at drop-off or pick-up. On the flip-side, I know that she's learned words from daycare that she wouldn't have otherwise learned because we don't (or didn't) use them.

I cherish the first 5.5 months I had with her and hope that I get to spend a fairly equivalent amount of time with any future children we may have...but I don't regret going back to work.

I'm simlpy hoping to encourage you that it's not as bad as it might feel...sending your precious little bundle to a strange house/building every day. A lot of positives can come from it. She's interacting with other kids & learning physical, mental & social skills that couldn't happen at home with just me.

I've actually not had a single negative thought from the moment I dropped her off at her first day of "school."

I may not have the cleanest house because when I'm home I'd rather focus on her than what's around us...but that's just the way it might have to be.

I'm sure this post would have a far different approach had I stayed home, but I don't regret one second of the past 4 months.

If you're at home now struggling with the idea of leaving your little one...pregnant and weighing your options...or know that one day you will start a family of your own...I would love to talk with you, be an ear as you unload your thoughts & feelings, and encourage you as you deal with this emotional war within. I've been there...I know how it feels...and I know you get through it with minimal battle wounds & victory for both you & your child :-)

First Fever & What I Learned

2008-12-18T19:11:00.004-05:00

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Layla officially has her first fever.

It all started yesterday. Mommy and Daddy got to stay home because of a snow day and Layla decided to be fussy and clingy ALL day. This is not like her at all! She is such a happy baby. However, I didn't think much about it (except the inconvenience of it). As I was nursing her at the end of the day I noticed she kept flapping at her ear. This made me think maybe she was getting an ear infection and that's why she was so fussy all day. I put her down for the night and a few hours later headed to bed myself. I went in to check on her and noticed the humidifier was leaking. Needless to say, I woke her up with all my commotion. I lifted her up and noticed she was very warm. I took her temp. and it showed 99.8. I was slightly concerned. Usually when I take her temp it's 97-something.

I woke up this morning and she still felt warm - her temp. was down to 99.2. I decided to send her to "school" and told the ladies of her behavior yesterday and temp. this morning. I called to check on her mid-morning and she ate breakfast well and had just gone down for a nap. They told me she felt warm and would check her temp. when she woke up and call to let me know the results. As I was enjoying a lunch out with my team to celebrate Christmas I got the call. Layla's temp. was 101.8!!! I couldn't believe it! I was thinking maybe 99 still...but not 102! I left lunch early, made up my plans for the afternoon, made a doctor's appointment and picked her up. She definitely felt hot!

We came home for a bit and she took a little nap before her appointment. By the time we finally got called back to get her temp. checked by the nurse it was about 3 hours after the child care initially called me. The nurse's thermometer read 99.6. I was a bit relieved, but curious as to the big difference in temps.

The doctor comes in and is at first excited to see that Layla has gained 5 oz. since her last appointment! Then we get to business. She checks her ears - no infection. She tells me that their thermometer is pretty accurate because it's some high-tech silver thing and that 100.3 constitutes a fever. She's curious as to how Layla's temp. dropped so quickly with no fever reducer and asks how they took her temperature at child care. At the time I didn't know, but I later found out it's under the arm. We're not sure why there's such a difference and the doctor prescribes an antibiotic in case she gets worse or starts showing other symptoms over the weekend/holidays.

We leave with not much resolution to the reason for the fever and therefore my mind isn't at peace. I know my daughter is not her usual self and has temp. readings around 2 degrees higher than her "average."

I call the child care to tell them that nothing contagious was determined and asked about the possibility of her returning tomorrow since she doesn't technically have a fever. It turns out that 2 other kids were sent home with fevers...one being Layla's friend Macy. So maybe there really is something to this.

I take her temp. around 4:30 or so and my thermometer reads 101.8! Now I'm just confused! I check it later in the evening and it's about 100.8. I'm not sure why her temp. didn't read higher at the doctor's office.

Regardless, she's still fairly happy and is showing no other signs...and I hope she doesn't! I'm not looking forward to our first vomiting episode or exploding diarrhea!!

***

What I learned:
1.) You do not need to add a degree when you take a temp. with a digital thermometer under the arm (the child care & a couple other people told me this which would have made her temp. near 103)
2.) Check at least 3 times under the arms to get an accurate idea of temp. (rectal is best...no thank you!)
3.) You do not need to rush to the doctor at the first sign of fever - I think I always knew this...but I wasn't necessarily thinking rationally with the knowledge that my first child has her first fever.
4.) Going to the doctor too early might result in missing the true cause of the fever
5.) Although fevers aren't good, it allows for a bit more cuddle time than usual. :-)

On a lighter note...Layla kept saying "uh-oh" when the doctor was in the room. In fact, the doctor noticed it before I did...I think I was too intent on listening to what she had to tell me. She was very impressed with Layla saying this at 9 months. It looks like we're going to have quite the talker on our hands.

hips & more

2008-12-11T16:07:00.002-05:00

A couple of nights ago I noticed Layla swaying her hips to music instead of just bobbing up and down. Where does she learn this stuf?!?! I'm hoping to get a video of it and post it on facebook...be on the lookout.

That same night she also decided to start pushing things and walking with them! It was her first night crawling around on our hardwood dining room floor. I'm not sure if it was an accident at first, but she did very well! One foot in front of the other like it was the thousandth time she's done it. Later that night she was pushing her learning table across the carpet and walked across the room! She's getting so big!

Two new teeth have popped through, too. That puts the count up to six - four on top and two on bottom. She has a nice gap between her two front teeth...hopefully these two that just poked through will push them together a little. I might add we noticed that they popped through the same day as her swaying & walking. It all seems to come in bursts.

She's changed her crying, too. She frowns and contorts her face in this pitiful little expression and keeps her lips together more, making a new sound.

She also aparently does not like getting in her carseat after school anymore. She cries/screams all the way home. Luckily we don't live too far from there. I like to think that she misses me so much that it's just torture for me to let go and put her in the carseat right away. It's probably more because she's been free and wild all day having fun and doesn't like being restrained. I'm hoping the behavior doesn't spread to every time we put her in the car.

LOL...I was sitting here with Layla as she ate some Cheerios off a lid. When she finished them, she put the lid up to her mouth as if to lick every last crumb! So cute!!! She is now growlin at it...

Did I ever blog that she also gives us fives?? I keep it plural because she doesn't know to only do it once and stop...it turns out to be more like giving us a "fifteen."

A big night!!

2008-11-26T19:38:00.002-05:00

First - Layla said "mama"!!!! I was feeding her dinner and she just blurted it out! Of course I haven't gotten her to repeat it, but she said it! It was so cute the way she said it, too. She curled her lips around her teeth...okay, it's a bit difficult to explain. Ask me next time you see me and I'll show you. :-)

Second - Layla was playing with her learning table and it is very apparent that she knows what to do to get a song to play. Instead of just randomly hitting everything all the time, she would spin something and dance through the song. When it finished, she would spin it again. Dance again. Stop. Spin it again. She's so smart!!!

Third - You know how you can move your finger up and down over your lips to make a funny sound? As she was playing with her table, I thought I heard that sound. I looked up and her hand was just leaving her mouth. Out of curiosity, I did it myself. And do you know what she did?! She took her whole hand and moved it back and forth across her mouth and made the sound! I thought it could have been a fluke, so I did it again. And she did it again! We did it a good 4 or 5 times! Of course, once I decided it was a real thing and grabbed the camera, she was done. I got one final go...but it's nothing like she was doing. I'll try and post it later.

I just can't believe how quickly she's catching on to things!

Fun times!

2008-11-25T20:49:00.003-05:00

I had an absolutely wonderful time last night watching Layla stand on her own! It was so stinkin' cute!!! Words can't even describe...and of course every time Jeremy tried to get a video of it on the camera, Layla became too distracted. This all came out of nowhere! I was sitting on the floor and Layla was crawling on me. Her knees were bent and she was leaning forward when she started grunting (she just started this lately and does it all the time now). Next thing I know she takes her hands off of me and is staying in that position by herself!! I think my excitement startled her a bit. :-) The rest of the night she kept crawling on me and letting go with her hands. Only now she would stand upright with her hands in the air as if to show excitement. Oh, it was such fun!!

On a different note, Layla has now joined the world in loving Texas Roadhouse rolls. She had to have eaten the equivalent of at least one whole roll tonight! I don't know for sure because I kept finishing them off for her :-p I know they're not healthy, but hey, maybe this will put some weight on her bones :-) She also had a tiny bite of mashed potatoes. She turned her head every time I tried giving her another bite, so I'm guessing she's not a fan. I think tonight is the tip of the iceberg with me loosening up a bit on what she eats. Not entirely! I'm not going to be a parent letting their toddler sip soda or eat sweets every day...but I'm allowing a little more freedom with what she eats. I'm not going to obsess on "recommended lists" like I have been. She just might enjoy a delicious Thanksgiving dinner herself this year...something aside from the mundane mixed veggies she always gets.

Shopping woes

2008-11-24T19:00:00.003-05:00

I just went shopping for Layla's Christmas dress and think I found one I like. I have to go back to get it because I left a gift card at home. Ugh! Anyway, as I was shopping, I began to get discouraged (I'm not sure if that's thet exact word I'm looking for). Every time I looked at a tag the feeling grew deeper and deeper. You see, Layla is 9 months old next week (wow!). However, she's not even to the weight listed as the low end of the 6/9 month clothes. :-( I've been pretty good the past month or so about not worrying too much about her weight. As her 9 month appiontment draws near, it's been creeping more and more into my thoughts. Today's trip to the mall did not help at all. I guess I could look at is as a positive that my little girl is staying small to let me enjoy this size longer. I'm sure one day I'll look back wishing I hadn't kept worrying abour her size. I just can't help it. And then my mind does mean things and goes off on crazy tangents about what could be wrong or what would happen if this rate continues. I think I watch too many Discovery Health shows!

Needless to say, I am anxiously awaiting her appiontment next Wednesday. I am hoping for good news.

Just a bit of Inspiration

2008-11-21T16:22:00.003-05:00

Notes from Layla

2008-11-14T16:23:00.003-05:00

>..........;;;;;;;77bgf4hyyyyyyyy5mmmmmmmmmmmmmj `

[ ;ptt5hhhhhgggggggg'[
vvv
?TTT%rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfrgrdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddr n m a weeeeale0/qqqqqqqqqqqq22222222exdddddddddddddf

So cute

2008-11-11T21:47:00.008-05:00

Layla is really trying to say "mama." She stares intently at my mouth as I repeat "mama" and she will follow it with "dadammmmm dadammmmm." It's so stinkin' cute!

She waves very well and claps in her own special way. :-)

She is pulling herself up all the time and even standing with no hands as she leans on items around her. She sometimes gets "stuck" and can't quite get back down. Mommy always comes to the rescue, though.

**Okay, I just read what I've written so far in case I needed to make any changes and I realized that what Layla says when she's trying to say "mama" looks like she's saying something naughty. Haha. She isn't. It's more like she's saying "dada -mmmmmmm." I hope that clears things up a bit more. **

She has 4 teeth.

She loves her Tigger toy that sings and bounces. She gets excited and bounces right along with him.

Although she's been doing it for some time, pulling her socks off seems to still be her favorite trick.

She loves watching kids. She will contort herself just to keep an eye on any kid in the area.

She had a blast at her friend Kate's house. You see, Kate just turned 1 and has some pretty cool toys. In fact, Layla was so intrigued by the toys, she was up far longer than she ever has been at night (with no nap to break it up) and didn't fuss once.

She would much rather feed herself than be spoon-fed.

She loves to "fall" from mommy's arms. She giggles to no end when I pretend I'm dropping her.

Listening to daddy play his guitar makes her smile.

She enjoys sticking out her tongue.

fall photos (cont'd)

2008-11-06T22:12:00.003-05:00

These are pictures in our front yard. Unfortunately, she didn't wake up from her nap until after the sun left that side of the yard. I went ahead and took the pictures because it was our last free afternoon with an excellent forecast.

fall photos

2008-11-06T21:48:00.004-05:00

I got a new camera and have attempted a few "shoots" with Layla in the beautiful fall foliage. I'm disappointed with some of the shadows, but I couldn't justify having her look into the sun. Hopefully you'll see my photography mature as time goes on.

the color was much brighter & crisper when i had her facing the sun, but her face wasn't as cute

pretend i've cropped out the fuzzy in the corner

Concerned

2008-11-05T19:24:00.002-05:00

I woke up this morning with a feeling that has only intensified as I have watched the news tonight. Although I don't know exactly how to describe the feeling, I can try to explain why I'm feeling this way. I am deeply concerned that Obama received an enormous amount of votes simply because of the color of his skin and not because of his stance on issues. I truly hope that is not the case, but I fear it is. It seems everyone I have seen interviewed today has mentioned his race and how exciting it is that we have our first black president, but has not said one word about how excited they are to see his views be a part of the White House. I fear that thousands upon thousands of Americans were simply wanting to see a black man elected, despite his political beliefs. My fear is that the "change" they were looking for was more based on race-relations than on our country's needs.

When I saw the percentage of black voters that Obama captured (95%) I was shocked, but not surprised. Are you telling me that 95% of all black voters firmly believed that he was the better candidate for President based on his political beliefs?? It just seems highly unlikely to me.

Might I also add that many young voters seemed to be wooed by his "hipness" and eloquent ways.

I do feel his winning is a positive sign (in terms of race relations) of how far our country has come in 40 or so years, though.

Probably not too P.C.

2008-11-04T21:27:00.004-05:00

I'm going to preface this blog stating that I hope this does not come across the wrong way.

I am not a big fan of the term "African American." I believe most (if not all) of people being referred to when this phrase is used are actually "Black Americans" as they are not immigrants from Africa. Otherwise, I should refer to myself as a "German American" or a "Polish American" or a "Slavic American." Are blacks in Britain referred to as African Britains? Can't we just all agree that we're simply American?

I'm afraid this next flow of thought could come across in a negative fashion...but I'm hoping it doesn't.

First of all, I don't care for either candidate for President. I voted for someone else in the primaries. It's looking that Barack Obama is going to be the next President of the United States. I'm sure I'll have a lot of issues with this as the next 4 years progress just as I probably would if John McCain were to become president. However, as I'm watching the election results roll in, my thoughts over the past several months are seeming to be looking as if they're based more on reality than just theory. I've heard several "regular citizens" mention that they voted or are *there* to celebrate because this is an historic time with the first "African American" to become president. I get the feeling that *so* many people voted for Obama simply because he is *black* and not because of his stance on issues. I would have thought the same thing had Hillary Clinton become a candidate and people voting simply because they wanted to see a first with a woman being president. It's so stinkin' frustrating!

I really hope "reverse racism" doesn't become more of a problem. I could go on an on about this issue. Can you imagine what would happen if there were grants out there that were only eligible for whites? Do you remember the big controversy with Kramer from Seinfeld? Did you ever hear the video from that night? The black man who Kramer (inexcusably) insulted referred to Kramer as a "cracker." Why is that okay (or at least not publicly abhorred) but what Kramer said was such an abomination (which it was)? It seems like quite the double standard that our country thinks it's completely wrong to degrade one person with a derogatory term yet not blink an eye when another person suffers the same type of treatment. I don't care who said what first...it's all wrong!

I've also heard (over the past couple of weeks) the issue of race arise in topics on the news more and more in regards to Obama's chances of winning. It seems to be that no matter the outcome, race was going to play a part in their excuse...either he lost because he's black or he won because he's black. After tonight's comments from citizens across the country, I find the latter to be true. How sad that a President might be decided not because of where he stands, but because of the color of his skin.

Now...I am in no way saying that the only reason why Obama would win is because of the color of his skin. I feel that the nation as a whole is very much repelled from the Republican party because of the last few years. I've said long before it was even determined who would appear on the primary tickets that our next president would be a Democrat because the nation is so turned off to the Bush administration. I'm just being quite candid with my thoughts.

When is race not going to play a role in our country? When are we going to realize that it's more "politically correct" to refer to people as either Black or White? When will we actually call all those with single citizenship to the United States simply Americans (for that's what they are)?

This ended up being longer than I had originally attended. I apologize if I have offended you in any way. Feel free to email me with any comments or concerns you might have.

missing calendar!

2008-11-03T22:29:00.003-05:00

My calendar has apparently been misplaced and it's stressing me out!! I've been asked about all these dates and I have no idea what's going on! I didn't realize how heavily I rely on my calendar to keep myself organized (and sane!). I hope I find it soon!!!

In the meantime, if I committed to something and don't show up, please understand that I lost a big portion of my memory when I was pregnant and it hasn't seemed to return!

camera

2008-11-02T19:50:00.002-05:00

I got a new camera and I'm super excited about it! I'm really thinking this is what I needed to get back into getting out and taking pictures. I wish we would have had it 8 months ago...but I'm glad we have it now.

I'm looking forward to developing some amateur photography skills.

20/72/3

2008-10-27T19:59:00.002-04:00

These are my goal numbers.

20 minutes of cardio a day.
72 oz. of water during the work-day.
3 lbs. lost a week.

I have 5 more weigh-ins for the competition at school. I'm pretty sure I'm out of the running as one lady is way out in front of the pack. However, I'm not giving up on my personal goal. This week I'm allowing a bit of leniency with the 3 lbs lost b/c I actually have 3 less days than normal since I just weighed in today instead of Friday. The last week we weigh in on Wednesday instead of Friday, so I'll shoot for 2 lbs that week. My goal is 13 lbs. by Nov. 26. I'm currently down 7.6 lbs. Twenty even would be fabulous! I had a spell where I was consistently losing 1.5lbs a week. The last couple of weeks have been weird. But I'm hoping with the addition of exercise, I can see faster results. I'm a bit nervous that working out will cause me to want to eat a bit more in the evenings. I need to get to the store to get veggies to munch on!

I'm also planning on increasing my work-out time by 5-10 minutes every week or two. I'd like to be at 40 minutes consistently by Thanksgiving. It might be hard to get that in every night because of Layla's and Jeremy's schedules, but I'm going to try.

Too much to title

2008-10-25T21:09:00.005-04:00

Layla is learning so much every day! She likes to play with her tongue now. It's so cute! She knows that crying gets our attention (which will become annoying very quickly I'm sure!). I am 99% sure she "claps." I say 99% because I still have to administer a few more "tests" to determine I haven't been witnessing just a few coincidences. She puts herself into a sitting position from a crawling one. She pulled herself up to a standing position using Jeremy as help when he was sitting on the floor with her.

Might I add these developments have all been witnessed by Jeremy and/or I for the first time since yesterday! Well, all except for the crying thing, which I can't pinpoint down to a certain day.

****

We went to the ISU Homecoming Parade today and had a good time. It was rather chilly, though! I have some absolutely adorable pictures of Layla all bundled up that I'll post on here when I get around to it. She had a good time, but couldn't have cared less on watching the actual parade. She was far more interested in watching the kids running around.

I hadn't been to that parade since I was in college...and even then, I never got to enjoy it as I was always in it with Campus Crusade. It was nice to view all the floats as they passed by. I don't know which float won the contest, but the Humane Society's was SCARY!!! They did an excellent job...and I can't do it justice by describing it, but I can't help trying. There was a giant, evil-looking rabbit with monstrous claws and teeth standing on top of a hearse...and the workers were very dead-looking as well. Even though Layla would have no idea what she was looking at, I made sure she didn't turn her head to see the monstrosity!

****

I've begun to slack with the Biggest Loser competition. :-( I didn't weigh in yesterday because I took the day off...but I'm not sure I would have faired too well. I know once I actually get my butt in gear and go for a jog I would realize just how good I feel when I workout. I just can't seem to motivate myself to get there. I need help! Haha.

****

My current goal with the house is to maintain the 3 rooms that are in decent condition and have one more room welcome to the public by the end of next week. Within this goal, or maybe in addition, I would like Jeremy & I to spend 45 minutes to an hour a day working on the house (be it getting things where they belong or finishing up one of our many works-in-progress). I'm desperately hoping that our house is market ready by January 1st!

****

Layla does so much better in the evenings when she has friends over. Both last night and tonight we had guests over each with a girl either 4 months older or 1.5 months younger. I was so surprised to see Layla perfectly content playing on the floor so late at night with no sounds of fussiness. I can't really say that she was busy watching the other kid in the room, but it seemed that having someone else on the floor with her gave her the freedom to simply explore. Or maybe it's the fact that she was never alone in the room. But even when we're in the room with her she will get fussy after a while and want to be picked up. I'm not exactly sure what the difference is. I can see now why she's so tired when she comes home from daycare. She seems to forget the fact that she's tired and plays contently when other kids are around.

Loss of different kinds

2008-10-16T19:58:00.006-04:00

Hair Loss - I looked at the back of Layla's head last night and most of her hair was gone! I don't know if this has been a slow process, but it sure seemed like it happened overnight! Her little "tail" she was born with and had forever is no longer there. And she used to have a little bald spot surrounded by lots of dark hair...that's not so much the case anymore :-( It's so thin! She still has long dark/turning light hair on the top of her head...giving her a reverse mullet look! Haha. She does have hair on the sides and back...it's just short, light and seemingly thin compared to what I'm used to. It's very sad to see her beautiful baby hair go. I'm regretting not getting more pictures when she was 1-3 months old that really show-cased her crazy hair! I'm curious to see what her hair will look like in her 9-month pictures, though. Below are a few pictures that show her hair changes over time...

March 5 April 5

April 23 June 8

Sep. 6

Weight Loss - Unfortunately this is not about myself (or Jeremy)...my precious Layla lost 5 oz. from her last doctor's appointment 3 weeks ago :-( I've tried to justify it in various ways - she fed right before she was weighed last time and hadn't eaten for several hours this time. But still! She has been PIGGING OUT the past week or two. I was truly hoping for 16lbs. She has felt a lot thicker to me lately. So I was very sad (I actually shed some tears) when I walked into the appointment and Jeremy said she weighed 14lbs. 11 oz. It was not the direction I was expecting at all. Last appointment, the doctor said she would look into blood tests if her weight gain wasn't improving. However, she's now going to wait and see how Layla's weight looks in a month and a half (9 month appt.). She's waiting because Layla is obviously happy and healthy looking. She's not having any issues with fevers, throwing up or diarrhea. The doctor kept reassuring us that everything is okay. She said it's not unusual for breastfed babies (I'm not sure if this is true of she was just easing our minds...all the breastfed babies I've known have gained weight with no problems). But the doctor has a great point in that Layla is a VERY happy baby and doesn't seem to be suffering from anything. Despite that, I'm really praying for excellent weight gain over the next several weeks...the last thing I want is to have blood tests run on my little sugar pie.

Stress Loss - We were able to enjoy our Fall Break visiting our dear friends Becky & James in Atlanta and we had a wonderful time! If only we had a few more days to enjoy their company! You can read all about our trip and view a few pictures on their blog. We also drove over to Talladega, AL to visit some friends from church who moved down there in July. They're currently living in their RV while they wait for their house to be built. The quarters were rather small for 4 adults, a baby, and two dogs (one of which is 134lbs!). We enjoyed the visit, though. We ended the trip by staying in a hotel in Nashville to break up the return trip. It was nice to lay in a bed all evening and do nothing only to wake up in the morning to a delicious hot breakfast made by someone else. :-) I took a bag full of papers to grade during all the driving and I'm so glad I didn't! I think most will just have to end up in the trash...unless I can find some time to have the students grade it in class together :-)

House woes

2008-10-05T16:31:00.002-04:00

I'm so sick of having a house that is in constant disarray. It's completely overwhelming...so much that I just sit in despair feeling as if I can't do a thing about it. It has been awful for over a year now. It puts me in a bad mood...and I can't relax, but I can't seem to find motivation to work because I feel it never does a bit of good. So this runs over into my relationship with Jeremy because I'm just in an all-around icky mood when I'm home. I get frustrated that we haven't found a way to work together to keep the house in a decent condition. And now I'm even more frustrated with it all because Layla is more mobile and I can never put her down to play because there's no room (and, I feel, unsafe). In turn, I feel like I'm impairing her ability to crawl.

We can never have people over...and I would be utterly embarrassed if someone were to stop by unexpectedly. This has happened at least once in the recent past.

I don't want to live this way!!!

I want to be able to relax in my house. I want to have people over. I want to give my daugther the best environment for her development.

On a lighter note, I lost another 1.5 pounds this week. That puts me at 4.5 and counting!

3, puffs, red knees

2008-10-02T18:07:00.007-04:00

I forgot to mention that I lost another 1.5 pounds last week. So I'm officially down 3 pounds. I'm hoping for another pound and a half tomorrow.

Layla ate baby puffs as a snack for the first time on Sunday. We introduced puffs to her a month ago but she wasn't too interested in them and made quite the face when I would put one in her mouth. But with the emergence of her teeth on Saturday, I thought I'd give them another try...and she loved them! I thouroughly enjoyed watching her try and feed herself. I added a few pictures of her attempts below. I might add that the next day, instead of her picking them up out of my hand she learned that bending her body forward to suck them out of my hand with her mouth was qutie a bit easier and more efficient. She's one smart cookie!

As for the red knees...Layla has had them lately. She must move around on the floor a lot while at daycare. I know she doesn't too much here because we hold her quite a bit. I'm sure that's stalled her as far as crawling is concerned, but after being away from her all day all I want to do is cuddle and have close contact with her. However, tonight I put her down and she moved forward just a bit on her hands and knees! WOOHOO!!! She crawled with her belly off the floor (she has been army crawling all over the place for about a month now)! It was just baby steps...or should I say baby crawls...but I feel she'll be all over the place in the very near future!

I'll end with a few pictures of her gnawing on a breadstick. This was in the middle of September. She enjoyed gnawing on a carrot last night but I have no pictures of that adventure.

Teeth - the good, the bad and the ugly

2008-09-27T13:13:00.006-04:00

First, the bad and ugly.

Layla was bit yesterday at daycare :-( When I arrived they told me she was bit on the right foot, that it didn't break the skin and that they cleaned the area and applied an ice pack. They had me sign a form that detailed the incident that would go in her file. They also gave me a list of "Why Kids Bite" and explained that the parent of the biter also received that paper (and I'm sure also had to sign a form to go in that kid's file). My poor baby! The lady told me that there were marks...but I didn't realize how clear those marks would be! I have pictures below. You'll have to forgive me, the quality isn't the greatest. The flash kept washing out her skin so I had to do the best I could with no flash and poor lighting.

When I was buckling Layla into her car seat I noticed some marks on the top of her left foot. I almost took her back in to have the ladies look at it, but decided against it (I'm not quite sure why). When I got home and was feeding her, I looked at her left foot again and it was definitely clear she had also been bitten on her left foot!! So I called up the daycare to let them know...I wasn't sure if they needed to add it to her file, but it made me feel a bit better that I told them.

So that makes me wonder...which foot was bit first? Did she not react too much to the first bite or was the biter that quick in grabbing her other foot?

Who knows. Here are some pictures of her left foot:

Now the good!

Layla woke up this morning and gave a smile...to show off her 2 bottom teeth that are popping through!! I'm pretty sure they weren't there last night when she went to bed. We were visiting with some friends and they commented that they thought they saw teeth...but when moving into a room with light they change their minds. I didn't look super close because I knew that she didn't have teeth. Maybe if I'd have looked closer I would have seen something...but I don't think so. When I was feeding her this morning I felt the difference on the spoon. I didn't feel that last night. I stuck my finger in there to feel and sure enough there are 2 sharp teeth protruding!

I'm crossing my fingers that this has been why she has refused to eat for a week.

the perfect bottle??

2008-09-25T21:08:00.012-04:00

We had an appointment today since Layla hasn't really been eating (solid food) for a week. Having only gained 5 oz. last month, I have been quite concerned...but allowed myself to wait it out a week. In a nutshell, she has gained some weight, but still not as much as the doctor would like to see. We have another appointment scheduled in 3 weeks to see how she's progressing. At that time, depending on weight gain, the doctor is going to think about blood tests and what-not. We are praying this does not have to happen!

I have been researching all night trying to figure out just what might be causing her to turn from eating (she was mowing down every night!). The doctor gave her a good bill of health aside from the lack of decent weight gain. So it's not because of an illness or anything. Through my research online I have concluded that she doesn't need to eat solid food yet as long as she's nursing well.

She is nursing well...when she's with me. We're still dealing with the issue of her time at daycare. The sippy cup has yet to produce results. I've been okay with this since she's been eating food so well. That not being the case anymore, I'm really wanting to get her on the bottle now more than ever before.

I came across something called the Adiri Breastbottle Nurser through my online searching. I really like the idea of this bottle and am all about trying something new (as the daycare has tried so many types of nipples already)! However, every site I find with this bottle is out of stock!!! Ugh!!! I think I did come across one site, but the price was twice as much as any other site I came across. I guess they can do that if the demand is there and the supply is low. I'm just not sure I'm ready to shell out that kind of money on another bottle that may not work.

Here's a picture and description of the bottle:

Soft and Warm: Filled with warm milk, Adiri's Breastbottle nurser provides an amazingly breast-like substitute that is soft, snuggly, and comforting - more like breastfeeding than any other bottle. Breastbottle® nursers have proven to be ideal when first switching from breast to bottle - their capacity is also based on maximum breast milk supply.They are easy to clean as there is no need for a bottle brush. The bottles are also dishwasher safe in the top rack.

Soft comforting shape
Minimized air ingestion
Three adjustable flow rates
Responsive to baby's touch
Minimized nipple confusion
Easy to clean and dishwasher safe
Childproof closure system

You can also simulate let-down with this bottle by gently squeezing on the sides.

There is another bottle by the same company called the Adiri Natural Nurser. I'm not as impressed with this bottle. First, I believe Layla will recognize it as something different more so than she would the one above. Second, you have to buy a new bottle if you want to increase the flow. The Breastbottle Nurser comes all in one. If you're ready to speed up the flow, you simply cut off a little nob from the inside.

If you have any comments about these (or other bottles), feel free to share. I really hope I can get my hands on one sometime soon!

I'm dwindling!

2008-09-20T20:29:00.002-04:00

I was down 1.5 pounds this week! Okay, so it's not significant...but it's enough to keep me motivated. If I can only get my butt in gear to get physically active I'm sure I'd drop the weight a bit faster.

dadadada lalalala

2008-09-17T19:17:00.004-04:00

Layla started talking like CRAZY this afternoon. She's been pretty much talking non-stop since I picked her up from daycare. She used to do 95% of her talking when she was attempting to put something in her mouth. She has done 95% of her talking today with nothing in her hands! And she's found some new sounds. "Dadadadadada lalalala dadadadada" Jeremy is now saying her first word is Dada...I tell him she has to associate her sounds with an object for it to be a true "word." I'm just holding out hope that Mama is her first word. But who am I kidding? If she's already making the sounds for dada, I'm sure that will end up being her first word. I've heard "Layla" several times in her ranting of lalalalalalalala-s. It looks like we picked a name that will be very easy for her (and other little kiddos) to say. Unless of course they have a speech impediment...then I guess she'll be "waywa." :-)

I'm currently listening to her talk away while she's army crawling across the floor to reach the various toys I've scattered about. What a fun time!

WHOA!!! She just pulled our cd drawer open!! Holy cow! Okay...I'm guessing child-proofing is going to come even sooner than I thought!

On a side note...I think Layla is boycotting vegetables while at daycare.

Colts Win!!

2008-09-14T21:35:00.005-04:00

What a great way to end the weekend! It was a horrible first half, but we pulled it off!

We had a couple over to watch the game so I was doing my usual last minute cleaning which resulted in a bunch of stuff being thrown into boxes to be filtered through at a later date. My goal this week is to keep the living room, kitchen and bathroom in their current conditions (if not better) and to filter through those 2 boxes.

Next week I'm hoping to be able to add a few other small goals. I have decided to take my house one small step at a time...and hopefully by the end of the month it will be back in a condition to welcome visitors at any time (even unexpectedly). I have found the best time to work is around 8 or 9 at night, after Layla has been put to bed. I'm hoping the start of television's season premiers doesn't hinder my progress.

I also have to find time to fit in some sort of physical activity. I need to get my butt in gear with this Biggest Loser competition at school! I didn't lose a thing last week! Of course I wasn't expecting much since I did absolutely nothing different. :-) At least I didn't gain.